May Is National Masturbation Month

The saying “Masturbation is like procrastination, it seems like a good idea at the time but in the end you’re really only fucking yourself”, has in my generation, been somewhat accepted as truth. Masturbation’s bad reputation has been around since before Victorian times and has earned much of its sinful stamp from the Roman Catholic Church. Others that have managed to push past the sinful connotations however, are often times still held up on the belief that it is an activity practiced only by people who cannot get access to “real” sex (hence the derogatory term “jerk” whose meaning has been influenced by the phrase “jerking off” slang for male masturbation, and its British equivalent “wanker” which translates loosely into “loser”).

In today’s scientifically based society one would hope that these negative views on masturbation would fade, given the fact that we have proven that masturbation leading to orgasm has numerous health benefits (sleep aid, eases depression, stress reliever, makes you look younger, helps alleviate sinus pressure, elevates mood, pain reliever etc and the list goes on and on).

But where does masturbation fit in the minds of this generation?

Well it turns out that the frequency with which people masturbate is strongly influenced by their sex, age, ethnicity, religion, educational level, marital status and sexual orientation. So if science holds true, I could theoretically predict how often YOU masturbated – and your views on it – by simply asking you a few simple questions.

Turns out, if you are a 25-35 year old white (or Hispanic) male, whose never been married, has a master’s degree or higher and categorizes themselves as “other” in the religious realm; then you’ve spent a lot of time playing sexual solitaire. I’m sure it’s no surprise that men on average report masturbating more often than women, but it may be a surprise to learn that among women, homosexual behaviour or identity is associated with a higher frequency of masturbation, surpassing some males of heterosexual standing – depending on the factors listed above.

Despite “normative” factors, what does evolutionary psychologists says about “couch hockey for one” – a behaviour that seems disadvantageous for the point of view of reproductive success?

Well it’s possible that male masturbation is an adaptive behaviour because it gets rid of “aged” sperm that have been stored for some time and are no longer of optimal quality for fertilization. And masturbation in both sexes may simply be a by-product of selection for other behavioural traits that increase our reproductive success, like a high sex drive.

So with May being National Masturbation month, I suggest we celebrate! Lets drop our negative labels and do what biology has equipped us to do! After all, if God didn’t want you to masturbate he would have made your arms shorter.

Tweet