Condoms with TEETH?!?!

A new condom has been invented for woman that far surpasses any other on the market today…. when ranked for its protective purposes that is. This special jiffy lube tube was not designed with pleasure in mind however, as it comes equipped with its own set of teeth. Now these teeth are not the pleasure ribbed kind, oh no…. they are jagged hook like mechanisms designed to latch onto a man’s penis during penetration.

Rape-Axe – as its name implies – was designed by Dr Sonnet Ehlers as a rape deterrent for women in South Africa (which has the highest rape rates in the world; 28% of men having raped a girl/woman in their life, and 1 in 20 of these men claiming that they have raped in the last year!).

The condom is meant to be pre-inserted by the woman when she feels nervous regarding her surroundings, adding an extra layer of unseen protection for the woman’s conscience. Once this special ‘reliance appliance’ has become latched onto a penis, it can only be removed by a doctor, with authorities on standby.

I’m suddenly feeling a MasterCard commercial ‘cuming’ on:
Condom Price: $2 dollars
Evening out on the town: $47 dollars
Hearing a would be rapist scream while the doctors surgically remove a piece of his private parts…… Priceless

100,000 Condoms & Counting in the Vancouver 2010 Olympics!

During Sydney’s summer games people were provided with 70,000 condoms and ran out! Beijing brought in 100,000 but had 5,000 left over. So what’s the lucky number? Well apparently in Vancouver its 14.6 condoms for each of the 6,850 athletes. Assuming that most condoms are used by couples, that works out to 29 encounters in 2 weeks, or 2 a day!

So why the condom spurge and sex extravaganza? Well, experts say it’s a combination of things. The fact that many athletes abstain from sex before the games, and that a large number of them don’t have steady partners because of their dedication to the sport (therefore they are more able to ‘hook up’ afterwards). Also many of the athletes are surrounded by alcohol, the party atmosphere and are constantly meeting new people.   

Ok so those reasons may seem obvious, but what isn’t is why we’re so interested in the athletes condom usage. Is it because we are bombarded with mysterious and alluring sexual imagery in media daily, and this imagery is almost exclusively tied to young, fit people… So athletes are sexy by definition? Are we just a sexually curious species, voyeurs by nature? Or is it because when it comes to sex, many people feel as though they are somehow missing out on something? Sex is sold to us as this amazing, mind blowing out-of-body experience. When in reality it’s usually messy, sometimes awkward and – for women especially – often lacking an orgasmic ending.  

Well regardless of the reason, I’m elated condoms are on the ‘must have’ list. As STI’s don’t discriminate, and the world is over populated enough. Although you can’t argue the fact that those athletes would produce some genetically gifted individuals!  

“Condoms aren’t completely safe…. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus!” ~ Bob Rubin

Teaching an Inexperienced Lover

Sometimes we dive into a new relationship and the sexual chemisty just isn’t there. We are bumping teeth, squishing tender body parts and creating a horizontal tango that looks more like the chicken dance then a sensual flow. Sometimes this leads one – or both partners – to question their new relationship pick and start looking elsewhere, especially if one of them has become confinced that the problem lies within the other inexperienced lover, instead of between the two of them.

My advice? We often waste a lot of time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect lover. Yes, teaching a new and relatively inexperienced partner can be difficult, however there are a couple subtle but very effective techniques to help your partner become better in bed.

The first tip is often referred to as ‘the sandwich technique’ (I know your mind is drifting off to threesome land but snap back for a second…. its not that kind of sandwich). Lets say your new partner is a gentleman that doesn’t vary his speed very often during sex, so he is constantly doing the ‘jack-rabbit’. To help teach him what you’d really like, you simply employ this sandwich method. This means you begin with something positive (e.g, I want to tell you that you feel amazing inside of me) then say something that needs ‘fixing’ while trying not to use the word ‘but’ (So, you know what I would really love? For you to go nice and slow sometimes so I can really feel every inch of you) and then end with something positive (Because you are so incredible I just want to soak up every bit of you). This is called a sandwich because you put something negative (or needs fixing) inside two positive things.

Tip number two is all about body language. We learn by watching…. monkey see monkey do. If you want a gentle touch, be gentle with your partner. If you want your woman to pull your hair and then sink her teeth into you, do so to her. Even the slowest learner will catch on eventually and start taking notes from your technique.

One of the most common issues faced in the bedroom when dealing with inexperienced male partners, is premature ejaculation (and I use that term loosly). There are a number of ways that you can counter this. One of the most useful things that he can do to deal with this issue is to masturbate as often as possible because if he hasn’t ejaculated recently, then the chances of him holding out and not ejaculating quickly when he gets into bed with you, will decrease dramatically.

Now I know what you’re thinking, what about those of us who would rather not talk about it openly (as many women are too embarrassed to say, “Can you masturbate before you come over and hang out?”) In this case, a simple ‘warm-up round’ is crucial…. this gets the first ejaculation over quickly. If you are becoming intimate with a man, sometimes helping him ejaculate rapidly the first time around, can lead to a prolonged second round. And while he is waiting for his second erection, it’s your turn to enjoy some foreplay. Also, using a lubricant or condom that has a numbing quality (which is available in drugstores everywhere) can do wonders for prolonged play time. For more info on helping a man last longer in bed refer to my blog post on Feb 23rd/2010 entitled “How Can A Man Last Longer In Bed?).

I wish you luck and leave you with this…. “It is not sex that gives you pleasure, but the lover” ~Marge Piercy