I try to make my rants on here as educational as possible by throwing in the odd statistic or society shocking must read book. But this week I’ve decided to skip most of the “did you know” part and veer more towards amusing (although I’m sure if you manage to sit through the Killing Us Softly Video you will learn something).
Enjoy

The Good…. Messages Worth The Air Time

The Bad…. Killing Us Softly (Advertising and its effects on women)

And The Funny???…. Sex in Advertising

Axe wound, bearded clam, catcher’s mitt, cunt, tuna taco, snatch, twat… all these words are common North American slang terms for the vagina. Funny? Possibly. Disturbing? A little. So what do they all have in common? A negative connotation to a beautiful body part.

Why must most vagina referrals be negative? Why has our society attached shame and repugnance to a part of the body that not only brings pleasure, but life itself?

Well I can sit here and ponder the origins of our sexual distain… blame the church, our patriarchal system, the Victorian era etc however the past can’t be changed, regardless of its origins. So, the future is what I look to.

How do we change these beliefs into something more positive? Well, we start with art.

The book Petals, by Nick Karras, is an amazing body of work which contains nothing more than the pure, untainted black and white photos of women’s vulva’s. As up close and personal as an eye can get, Karras captures the essence of true feminine form and diversity in these stunning images. No names, no faces, just raw uncensored genitals in their entirety.

I was moved when I first saw Karras book. Not because I was shocked by the images (although the diversity of the vulva is much greater than porn leads us to believe), but because I knew how difficult it must have been for the women to take off their cloths, release there inhabitations, break down the shame many have attached to their vaginas and spread their legs for the world to see.

That courage and that pride in their true feminine form is – in my opinion – something worth spreading. So… I spread it (pun intended). Karras new book, Petals 2, is a color version of his original and yes, I am honoured to say I’m in his new artful masterpiece. Of course I’ll NEVER tell which photo is mine, however I’m still proud of the fact that I was able to embrace my pulchritudinous vulva and spread my legs for the future societal path towards vaginal beauty.

So I leave you with this….. love canal, slice of heaven, honey pot, grassy knoll, jewel box, crack of heaven.

It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and cigarettes were placed on prescription. ~Malcolm Potts, MD

In today’s scientifically based society one would hope that these negative views on masturbation would fade, given the fact that we have proven that masturbation leading to orgasm has numerous health benefits (sleep aid, eases depression, stress reliever, makes you look younger, helps alleviate sinus pressure, elevates mood, pain reliever etc and the list goes on and on).

But what is the reality of masturbation today?

Well it turns out that the frequency with which people masturbate is strongly influenced by their sex, age, ethnicity, religion, educational level, marital status and sexual orientation. So if science holds true, I could theoretically predict who often YOU masturbated by asking you a few simple questions.

Turns out, if you are a 25-35 year old white (or Hispanic) male, whose never been married, has a master’s degree or higher and categorizes themselves as “other” in the religious realm; then you’ve spent a lot of time playing sexual solitaire. I’m sure it’s no surprise that men on average report masturbating more often than women, but it may be a surprise to learn that among women, homosexual behaviour or identity is associated with a high frequency of masturbation, surpassing some males of heterosexual standing – depending on the factors listed above.

Despite “normative” factors, what does evolutionary psychologists says about “couch hockey for one” – a behaviour that seems disadvantageous for the point of view of reproductive success?

Well it’s possible that male masturbation is an adaptive behaviour because it gets rid of “aged” sperm that have been stored for some time and are no longer of optimal quality for fertilization. And masturbation in both sexes may simply be a by-product of selection for other behavioural traits that increase our reproductive success, like a high sex drive.

So with May being National Masturbation month, I suggest we celebrate! Lets drop our negative labels and do what biology has equipped us to do! After all, if God didn’t want you to masturbate he would have made your arms shorter.

It wasn’t but a few weeks ago that I was faced with something far outside my comfort zone. Metaphorically speaking, my toes were hanging over the edge of the cliff and my heart was pounding. It was then that I asked myself… “Do I have the balls?”

Now, before I could take ‘the leap’ I was immediately distracted by my minds use of the comical saying. Where did it come from and why do big balls equate to something exceptional?

Before long I found my answer…. sperm competition and female promiscuity.

When you think about it, it’s obvious that our current sexual anatomy and physiology give us hints about the sexual behaviour of men and women during human evolution. For example, there is a direct relationship between testis size in a species and the degree of female promiscuity. When females are promiscuous, the competition between males of some species can continue AFTER mating – by means of sperm competition. The insertion of the penis can cause the ejection of sperm already present in the female from a previous mate, or part of the males ejaculate may coagulate into a dense plug that prevents later insemination by other males.

In species in which sperm competition is high, penises tend to be longer and testes larger so that a large number of sperm can be produced. For example, sperm competition is much more intense among chimpanzees than among gorillas, therefore the size of the testes is much greater in chimpanzees. In pigs (where mating is extremely ‘loose’) males have penises long enough to deposit semen directly into the females uterus and ejaculate can measure a pint or more in volume!

So how does the size of the humans testes compare?

The human testes, at 10-14 grams per testis, lie about halfway between those of a chimp and a gorilla (after accounting for differences in overall body size). Turns out, humans are about average-sized among primates as a whole. So what does this suggest? Female promiscuity and sperm competition have been factors in human evolution…..

And, the male with the biggest balls really does get the women.

The website ‘Beautiful Agony’ has pushed the boundaries of the “O” Face by presenting viewers with just that; the raw face of an orgasm, nothing more nothing less. Not cluttered by words or descriptions, the site takes us on a journey of pleasure from one face to another. There are no actors, no editing and no faking. Just real faces of those brave enough to share their “O” Face with the world.

My view of the site? Brilliant.

It’s about time we sexualized more than fake breasts, large penises and Debbie’s travels through Dallas. In my opinion the site is also doing a great service to the pro-masturbation campaign of our time. Now although “masturbation” is not one of the seven forbidden words that have been banned from our airwaves by the Federal Communications Commission (those words in case you were wondering are piss, fuck, shit, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits) it might as well be considering the rarity with which it is spoken or seen of within our society.

By spreading the good word about sites like ‘Beautiful Agony’ and ‘IFeelMyself’, we are helping to dispel the negative connotations surrounding masturbation and creating a sex-positive space with which our youth can live. So please, help spread the “O” Face love, and show our generation that erotica can be simplistic, artistic and realistic.

Who are they?

They are the porn industries forgotten clientele….the blind.
Most books are meant to be looked at and read only with our eyes, however Canada’s own Lisa J. Murphy has decided that that category is far too limiting. Murphy has written a book entitled the Tactile Mind, in which she takes the idea of written pornography to a 3D level. Inspired by the void of availability of erotic books for the visually impaired, Murphy has created a work of art that contains explicit soft-core images raised from the pages and accompanied by Braille text and photos.

Now I’m sure many would question Murphy’s consumer market, or lack there of. However few realize that there are currently more than 836,000 Canadians living with significant vision loss, therefore the market for the Tactile Mind’s 3D effects is greater than one might think. Creating this masterfully crafted book for consumers is however, a far more problematic process, as each book can take between 40-50 hours to create and is between 13-15 centimetres thick when shut! With all the man hours put into producing each copy, its asking price of $225 is therefore a somewhat reasonable price.

So, if you’re in the mood for some interesting 3D pornography grab a copy of Murphy’s Tactile Mind. Sure you may have a hard time understanding the Braille…. but really, no one buys porn for the articles anyway.

Well after a little research I learned that nowadays, it looks as though these books have fallen victim to the viral industry. The webpage ‘Bedpost’ is a free site whose tagline is “Ever wonder how often you get busy?” Users of the site simply enter details of their latest sexual encounter – in a calendar black book type style – which includes everything from how long it lasted and who it was with, to a rating of the experience on a scale of one to five. The site then creates a map of your sexual activity and generates your own statistics and tracks your averages. So now when you’re laying in bed at night ruminating over whether ‘Hump Day’ (Wednesdays) truly lives up to its name, you’ll have a statistically verified answer waiting for you at your fingertips. Now Bedpost claims that the password protected site is for personal private use only, but I’m sure many users are thinking, ‘what’s the use of tracking your stats if you can’t compare?’

If comparing and sharing are up your alley, then the website ‘I Just Made Love’ might be more your style, as it allows users to do this on a global level. Individuals simply input where they’ve just done the deed (using Google Maps to mark exact locations), whether sex was indoors or outdoors and which sexual positions they tried. So, if you’re curious about your cities action meter, or which country favours doggy style, give the site a quick look up and down. You might be shocked by what’s going on down the street!

When we look at animals across the planet and throughout time, we find that the male/Adam came first, female/Eve second story, just doesn’t really fit the bill. There are many known cases of female only species existing and thriving throughout civilization, however no male only species have EVER been discovered.

The common whiptail lizard (Cnemidophorus uniparens), found in arid environments in the south-western United States, is just one example of a female only species. These lizards reproduce parthenogenetically therefore no sperm or male lizard is needed. Oddly enough however, the female lizards do engage in sexual behaviour, but since neither animal has testis or a penis, there is no actual sexual penetration or transfer of sperm.

Another group of animals, referred to as bdelloid rotifers, are tubelike creatures that can be found in almost any freshwater environment today. This female only species are known to have existed for at least 40 million years, and they are not just one species but an entire class of invertebrates with at least 352 different species! That number alone accounts for an enormous amount of successful female only species on our planet.

So the next time you’re gazing at our beautiful environment consider the fact that she’s called Mother Nature for more than one reason. And when you’re at this weeks dinner party, and your husband or boyfriend thoughtfully asks you if you’d like one of his ‘ribs’, just shake your head and say, ‘No thanks honey – I’m finished – how about I give you one of mine’.

Turns out scientists are kinkier than we think. By simply stimulating the sacral nerve root (the headquarters for orgasms, along the spinal nerve) with an electrode, one can trigger an orgasm, even in the legally dead (this of course would only work on beating heart cadavers that are brain dead but whose bodies are kept ‘alive’ with respirators).

So, if teeth brushing, brow stroking, dead people can have one, what are 16% of women (the percentage of the female population reporting to have never reached orgasm) doing wrong? This is obviously a very complicated question with a multitude of possible answers. So instead or dragging you through pages of explanations, I’ll try and give the coles notes version of why some women have trouble reaching orgasm.

1.) Fear of failure and overly concerned with pleasuring ones partner
If you are constantly doubting your ability to please your mate then chances are you’re in a negative mind frame that is clouding your sexual satisfaction. If you’re focused too much on what you’re doing, and not how you’re feeling, then no amount of stimulation from your partner is going to bring about an orgasm.
2.) Not doing something that feels good to you
Are you being touched effectively? If your partner isn’t sure where your clitoris is or how to rub it just right, then it’s your responsibility to show them. Don’t fake it when it doesn’t feel good, as that causes repetition of ineffective touch and in the end, you both loose. You’re not receiving orgasms, and you’re robbing your partner of the knowledge and satisfaction of knowing what makes you climax.
3.) Internal dialogue
Many women find it hard to be ‘in the moment’ during sex. They are constantly thinking of other things, such as: “Do I look fat?”, “Do I smell?”, “Does he really love me?” etc. This internal dialogue distracts us from focusing on the moment and the actual touch of our partner. It’s virtually impossible to have an orgasm while thinking about how flat your stomach looks or when the last time you cleaned your sheets was.
4.) Failure to communicate openly and without guilt to ones partner
If sex is difficult for you to talk about, then you’re not alone. If you’re too ashamed to admit that you like to be bitten or that you want to incorporate your vibrator into your love life, then chances are you not going to reach your orgasmic potential. So, be as open and honest as possible, for only the truth will set your orgasms free.
5.) Medical reasons
Diabetes, urinary tract infections, overactive bladder, yeast infections, clitoral adhesion’s, depression (and anti-depressants), obesity, fatigue, constipation, STI’s, menopause, birth control and other medications are just a FEW things that can have detrimental effects on a woman’s orgasm. If you feel as though the first four issues mentioned are not a problem for you, then perhaps there is a medical reason why you’re having difficulty reaching orgasm. The best thing to do is contact your doctor and discuss your options with him/her.

It’s also important to remember that only 30% of women experience an orgasm through penetration alone. Therefore focusing all your attention on achieving an orgasm during intercourse can have discouraging results. Don’t rely strictly on penile penetration to bring you to climax, expand the time you spend on foreplay, don’t be afraid to stimulate your clitoris during sex and always be ‘in the moment’. As your mind is your largest sex organ, therefore if it’s not present, your body will have checked out long ago.

In Sex and the City Carrie was dumped via a post-it note. Harsh? Yes, but nowadays, there’s worse. A man by the name of Bradley Laborman, from IDUMP4U.com, is paving new ground in the break up scene by doing the dirty deed for you for a measly $10. May seem cheap, but Bradley’s getting his fair share out of the deal as he tapes his phone conversations and then posts them online for all to hear (check out the link above entitled ‘Bradleys Work’ to hear a short clip).

In Bradley’s eyes, he is performing a service by delivering the exit line for you. And surprisingly, many women agree, as women are his number one clientele. So what is the main driving force for using the service? “It’s fear”, Bradley claims, “I had one guy who couldn’t do it because every time he tried to do it, he’d end up having breakup sex with her and get back together. I think a lot of them have tried a couple times to break up with the person, and it’s just not getting through to them.”

Ok, so getting a phone call from a complete stranger telling you your relationship is over, pretty cold. But what about getting an anonymous ecard informing you that you may have an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection)?!

‘Hello Sarah, I’m so sorry to inform you that you might have an STI. We had fun but now we’re done and I’m sorry to say that I ‘came’ with strings attached. Tests reveal I have herpes. Please get tested.’

Anonymous egreetings can now be sent to your past sexual partner(s) explaining your current ‘situation’ down below. The program that is facilitating the ecards is called inSPOT, a non-profit organization dedicated to developing and using Internet technologies to prevent disease transmission and enhance the sexual well-being of individuals and communities. Now I know what you’re thinking, who wants to receive an impersonal ecard telling them they might have an STI?! Well no one, of course. But this program might be the best option when considering your choices. One, don’t tell any past partners and live with the guilt that you helped spread an infection (possibly life threatening or fertility affecting) to others. Two, tell them in person that you are the reason for the burning sensation between their thighs. Or three, send them an anonymous ecard with an apology and a list of all the closest STI clinics in their area.

IDUMP4U.com and inSPOT may be harsh in their delivery systems (I think Bradley gets a woody from delivering the bad news…. yes you do Bradley, just admit it), but don’t many adhere to the statement that all’s fair in love and war?
Or possibly – insert Jack Nicholson – YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Nothing says 'DONT TOUCH YOURSELF' like a bowl of corn flakes

Answers: Are you sure you finished answering the questions? No peeking!!!
1.) True: Unsweetened corn flakes were introduced at the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan by anti-masturbation crusader John Harvey Kellogg. His brother Will added sugar to the flakes and successfully marketed them as a breakfast cereal
2.) False: Saliva from a kiss keeps your mouth healthy as it has elements that neutralize the acids that lead to tooth decay
3.) False: After the stock market crashed sales increased by 6%. People seem to be more conscious of contraception because of the cost of raising a child. Not to mention many more nights spent at home instead of out on the town spending money
4.) False: BUT it was the most frequently searched word until last year (2009) when facebook overtook it
5.) True: Sylvester Graham back in the 1800’s thought that spicy foods lead to lust and lust leads to disease so he came up with a bland diet that included the graham cracker
6.) True: When a man does his share to maintain the home both he and his partner report a more satisfying sex life than in relationships where the woman believes her partner is not doing his share
7.) True: Heterosexual men were the most accurate, then homosexual women. Followed by homosexual males and then heterosexual women
8.) True: This is just one of the many reasons given for a biological basis of male homosexuality
9.) False: The only behaviour that women fantasized significantly more than men was getting married. (Women fantasized about being forced to submit, performing sex before an audience and homosexual fantasies more than men but the difference was not scientifically significant)
10.) True: Those with a masters or advanced degree are more likely to masturbate and have more liberal views regarding sex and sexuality
11.) True: Evolutionary psychologists have argued that the real figures are much higher
12.) True: Lemons acidity actually has some spermicidal action
13.) True: But they are more likely to derive physical and emotional satisfaction from sex than women in dating relationships
14.) False: Since the mid-twentieth century prostitution has declined. Kinsey estimated that men’s usage of female prostitutes had dropped by nearly 50% (Reasons? Birth control and woman’s willingness to have sex before marriage)
15.) True: A women by the name of Therese Ventre was also able to nurse her children from a breast on the side of her left thigh

Lewis Carroll (known by birth as Charles Dodgson) was the author of two immortal children’s books, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. But Carroll, a renowned Oxford University mathematician, writer and photographer was – to put it mildly – interested in little girls.

The Alice books were written for Alice Liddell, the young daughter of an Oxford dean. Alice was however only one of Carroll’s many young friends, as the writer had a succession of close friendships with at least 40 girls – friendships that generally (though not always) faded when the girls reached their teen years. He wrote thousands of letters to these girls, often illustrating them with his own notable artwork or photography. This photography was a great passion for Carroll, as he photographed innumerable young girls, many of them naked. And no, Carroll never married.

To diagnose the great writer as a heterosexual pedophile is fraught with risk and is complicated by conflicting motives: the desire to read psychopathology into the lives of important historical figures versus the desire to preserve the sanctity of one of the world’s most beloved children’s authors. Many biographical writers downplay the pedophile possibility by describing Carroll as a Peter Pan-like figure who was socially inept and simply remained asexual throughout his life. Others however point to his diaries (which still exist) and the deep guilt he expressed but never made clear, mixed with the fact that some key pages of these diaries have been excised.

Even if we accept the likelihood that Carroll was a pedophile, it is still impossible to know whether he limited his activities to simple voyeurism (as his photography suggests) or went that unspeakable step further, to actual sexual contact with children. Unless the mystery diary pages resurface, Carroll’s sexuality is likely to remain an enigma. But perhaps some things are better left as such. After all, eating magic mushrooms, chasing white rabbits and running from the Queen of hearts, poses enough symbolic questions on their own.

Smirking or Non Smirking

Sex education has become a passion of mine since I started in the field. Perhaps it’s the combination of public speaking and the shock value I get from candidly discussing everything sexual that I enjoy so much. Or maybe it’s the feeling that arises when I can see light bulbs click on over the heads of the audience. Either way, I’ve come to enjoy the expressions that result from the words “Does anyone know what this is for?” (as I hold a 4 foot flogger in my hand), or “Let’s talk about all the health benefits to masturbation”.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all of my presentations have been hugely successful. I’ve fallen on my face while attempting to show the proper whipping techniques, I’ve ripped a condom while trying to demonstrate safe sex practises and I’ve offended a gorgeous transsexual woman by not using the proper cis-gender terminology. However, through these highs and lows I’ve learned a lot and I’ve gained an even deeper passion and appreciation for the sex education movement.

Because of this passion, and the fact that I’ve “NEVER” met a person to date that hasn’t had at least one sexually related question to ask me, yes thats a quote… and you can quote me on the quote unquote I’ve decided to extend the blog page to include your questions. Please feel free to write me any sexually related quagmire you may have in the ‘Ask Teesha A Question’ section of this page.
(All questions asked will receive a detailed response, and will be treated with strict client/counsellor confidentiality)

So, click on the link and spill your guts because I know you’ve been wanting to ask somebody!

Ask Teesha a question!

(Click here to watch a short video on the event)

Less than two weeks ago thousands of Sydney residents congregated at the famous Opera House to shed their cloths in support of a free and equal society. The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras commissioned the famous American artist Spencer Tunick to take the picture, however neither party expected such a tremendous turn out.

Among the naked supporters were a pregnant woman (who was taken to the hospital shortly after the shooting to give birth) and a local weather man, who showed Sydney more than just the daily forecast.

“Gay men and women lay naked next to their straight neighbours and this delivered a very strong message” Tunick said. This was a message to the world, a message letting them know what Australians really embrace. It is stories like these, and individuals like Tunick, that help to spread these ideas to the rest of the world. Ideas that speak to the sameness of individuals, regardless of their sexual preferences.

Whenever I hear of such amazing events happening within our society I’m always moved. I often struggle with thinking optimistically about the future of gay rights, animals rights and mother nature’s rights. However stories like this bring me back to the power of the human spirit and the direction we’re moving in.

Thank you Tunick and thank you Sydney, for paving the way to equality…. one naked butt cheek at a time.

The ‘Smut for Smut’ program, which has drawn widespread attention during its campaign, has apparently done fairly well. Riding on the idea that the program presents a fair trade, group member Brian Talker states, “[Religious texts] are so full of genocide, misogyny and ludicrous ideas that far overshadow any banal common-sense platitudes like loving thy neighbour, that you are better off having porn, which isn’t nearly as smutty.”

Although many question the groups tact, the students profess that ‘Smut for Smut’ is an excellent way to draw attention to religious leaders and the hypocrisy of their condemnations of pornography. “They’ve been going and rallying against pornography for the longest time,” the unidentified student said, “and the disgusting, depraved acts that are within the Bible, Koran and Vedas completely outnumber any [faults] of any pornographic image.”

Christian groups have risen up against the program by establishing anti ‘Smut for Smut’ websites (drawing thousands of members) and by giving away anti-pornography literature in a booth situated across from the Atheist Agenda. As of yet, neither group has backed down and both continue to campaign for their cause.

Although I have always lobbied for freedom of speech, even I know better than to venture my unsolicited opinion on this topic. So I will simply say that I think it’s important to fight for our opinions, but not to believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth. And that we ought to always entertain our belief with some measure of doubt – a point I still struggle with – as I wouldn’t wish people to dogmatically believe any philosophy…. not even mine. So instead of inserting ______ Teesha’s thoughts here _______ I will simply leave you with the facts and let you decide whether you’re offended by this story, or you find gentle amusement in its progressions.

Now most of us can ascertain the fact that the majority of ‘regular’ women aren’t a size 0 with perky double D breasts, and most ‘regular’ men aren’t 8 inches long and can sustain an erection for two hours. However I think there are many other factors portrayed in mainstream pornography that aren’t as widely understood as ‘fiction’.

For example, when watching your favourite porn, does the man usually ‘pull out’ right before he’s about to have an orgasm and then proceed to ejaculate on the woman’s face? Does the women not only enjoy, but also have an orgasm, in every position the man ‘puts’ her in? Does fellatio usually result in a forceful pushing of the woman’s head and gagging? Is anal sex a given? Is the women ‘ready to go’ within seconds of being touched on the genitals? I could go on and on but you get the picture.

I feel that in our society we lack proper in-depth sexual education and therefore many youth are driven towards pornography for this information. The problem? I get many people writing to me asking why they can’t achieve an orgasm quickly enough, why they don’t enjoy anal sex, why they take too long (10 minutes) to become aroused, and why they can’t last for more than 30 minutes in bed.

Just the other day I was told of a woman who was getting together with a younger man for the first time. They had been dating for a few weeks and really hitting if off. So one evening they decided to move things to the next level. Everything was going fairly well (except for the fact that he kept spitting on her vulva when they had lubrication by the bedside), when he suddenly ‘pulled out’ and tried to ejaculate on her face. Lucky for him, she was able to express her sexual distain for this behaviour in a mature fashion, but for a lot of women I know, that would have ended things abruptly.

Now I’m not picking on the men, women are just as susceptible to this new age ‘porno-thinking’. My point is simply that porn is somewhat like a Hollywood movie. Just because you saw it on TV, doesn’t make it true. Don’t believe everything you see in porn, and remember… communication (not penis size or thrusting speed) is what will make you a fantastic lover!

*** For a free sample of K-Y® Brand TOUCH MASSAGE® 2-in-1 WARMING™ body massage and personal lubricant, click here!

Gustav Klimt, who was famous for shocking Edwardian Europe with his sexually explicit artwork (most notably his 1902 “Beethoven Frieze”), is at the centre of the new exhibition. The museum felt that sexually explicit artwork, such as Klimt’s, was important and historic, but no longer shocking enough to the public. To combat this, the workers have combined artistic sexual expression with physical sexual expression. The result? Shock and amazement.

So what are the swingers actually doing in the museum? Well having sex of course. Orgies among the artwork begin in the evening and continue throughout the night. Visitors to the museum are therefore given the opportunity to overcome their inhibitions while ‘taking in’ as much of the artwork as possible.

My view? I think it’s fabulous that museums – often thought of as pretentious in nature – are not only embracing a radical and very liberated view of sexuality, but exposing this view for all to see. My swingers club experiences were not only shocking and liberating, but educational as well. The club that I first attended had multiple rooms with multiple themes (Arabian, Pillow Talk, Club Scene, Jungle etc) and each room had its own vibe. Some were very inviting, others had more of an exhibitionist feel. The rules of “No Means No” and “Ask Before You Touch” were strictly followed. And whether you were just there to observe or you were in to participate, everyone was overtly nice and welcoming. All and all, I think that more people could benefit from this type of experience. Now I’m not saying I joined in on all the ‘love’, but my opinion of the scene was positively altered but my openness to accept other peoples sexual expression.

My only critique is that all swingers could get tagged with an ‘orgy’ label. Many individuals who identify as swingers have more conservative practices that involve dating and couples only get-togethers. Be that as it may, I commend the museum for paving the way for a more liberated view of human sexuality. My motto: If it’s consensual and safe, all the power to you!

During Sydney’s summer games people were provided with 70,000 condoms and ran out! Beijing brought in 100,000 but had 5,000 left over. So what’s the lucky number? Well apparently in Vancouver its 14.6 condoms for each of the 6,850 athletes. Assuming that most condoms are used by couples, that works out to 29 encounters in 2 weeks, or 2 a day!

So why the condom spurge and sex extravaganza? Well, experts say it’s a combination of things. The fact that many athletes abstain from sex before the games, and that a large number of them don’t have steady partners because of their dedication to the sport (therefore they are more able to ‘hook up’ afterwards). Also many of the athletes are surrounded by alcohol, the party atmosphere and are constantly meeting new people.   

Ok so those reasons may seem obvious, but what isn’t is why we’re so interested in the athletes condom usage. Is it because we are bombarded with mysterious and alluring sexual imagery in media daily, and this imagery is almost exclusively tied to young, fit people… So athletes are sexy by definition? Are we just a sexually curious species, voyeurs by nature? Or is it because when it comes to sex, many people feel as though they are somehow missing out on something? Sex is sold to us as this amazing, mind blowing out-of-body experience. When in reality it’s usually messy, sometimes awkward and – for women especially – often lacking an orgasmic ending.  

Well regardless of the reason, I’m elated condoms are on the ‘must have’ list. As STI’s don’t discriminate, and the world is over populated enough. Although you can’t argue the fact that those athletes would produce some genetically gifted individuals!  

“Condoms aren’t completely safe…. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus!” ~ Bob Rubin

The average amount of time spent on sex varies greatly depending on many factors. These factors range from what country you live in to whether or not foreplay is included in the definition of sex. It is therefore difficult to find credible sources that agree on this average statistic (some quote the time to be 3-10 minutes, while others testify that it’s 15 minutes to an hour). However finding consensus on foreplay time is much easier. The statistics agree that the average time spent on foreplay in North America is 19.7 minutes, with the UK topping the list with an average of 22.5 minutes.

So why spend so much time on foreplay? Well, for women especially, longer foreplay generally leads to better sex. Our brains are our largest sex organ, so taking the time to warm up our brains and our bodies can create a far more pleasurable experience. Foreplay not only increases lubrication and boosts the chances of a woman reaching orgasm, but it also gives biology (our hormones) time to catch up with our activity.

So how can you extend foreplay and still last longer in bed? Men, follow along closely, as these tips are for you.

Its important for all men to keep up with their Kegel exercises. To do your Kegels, simply squeeze the muscles you would use to stop the flow of urine, and then release. Twenty-five sets of these per day is ideal. Also regular masturbation is important because if a man hasn’t ejaculated recently, his chances of staying erect without ejaculation, drastically decreases.

You can also practice the ‘squeeze technique’ – while masturbating or during intercourse – this involves becoming stimulated up until the point of ejaculatory inevitability (point of no return) and then pressing firmly on the frenulum with two fingers until that feeling dissipates (the frenulum is a Y shaped connecting membrane on the underside of the penis connecting the head and the shaft). You can then continue to have sex or masturbate until the feeling of ejaculatory inevitability resurfaces, at which time you can continue practising the ‘squeeze technique’ and continue the cycle. This can be done alone or with a partner.

So gentleman….. when you hear the saying “Practise Makes Perfect”, remind yourself that it applies to many things. Good luck!

Was that written by a man or a woman? Most would guess a man, given the reference to what seems like an ejaculation. This however was written by a woman, in reference to her intense female ejaculations.

One might think that ejaculation would be a purely male prerogative, but in fact about 40% of women also experience a discharge of fluid at sexual climax.

As with male ejaculation, the fluid is discharged from the urethra. However in females, there seems to be two kinds of ejaculate! One kind involves a discharge of only a small amount of an opalescent fluid (only a few drops to a teaspoon), and it’s usually done so without great force. In the other kind of ejaculation, a large quantity of clear fluid is discharged (can be 100ml or more), and sometimes with sufficient force to project the fluid many feet away from the woman’s body. Some women have reported experiencing both kinds of ejaculation at different times, while laboratory studies suggest that they can also occur simultaneously in the same woman!

And just when we thought females couldn’t get any more complicated. Whether it’s orgasms or ejaculations…. if men can do it once, we’re doing it twice!

(What is this fluid you ask? Well if you really want to know I’ll explain, but sometimes ignorance is bliss. In males, less than 1% of ejaculate is actually sperm, the rest is predominately made up of citric acid, enzymes, fibrinogen and fructose. In women the low volume ejaculate comes from the paraurethral gland (homologous to the male prostate) and is mostly prostatic acid phosphatase. The high volume ejaculate is urine from the bladder, however it is very diluted suggesting that the kidneys produced diluted urine during sexual arousal)

Annies thoughts (Anatomy of a Pinup)

I met with Annie today and it was nothing less than awe-inspiring. She spoke about everything from her one woman shows, to her battle with breast cancer. She shared details of her production of ‘Public Cervix Announcement’, which involved using a speculum to show thousands of people her cervix, live, on stage. Other shows involved her masturbating to orgasm in front of the audience, lying naked on stage while being covered in dirt, and recreating her history of bad fellatio experiences with multiple dildos. Annie doesn’t just ‘perform’ however; she lives the life she presents. Not too long ago she was faced with breast cancer. Contrary to what you might think, this didn’t stop Annie in her sexual path. Instead she faced the cancer with such humour and vitality that I was inspired. With her partner, Elizabeth Stephens, Annie made the first cancer erotica that was photographed and displayed for many to see. During the ‘sexual session’ the pair shaved off all of their hair together, while becoming even more sexually connected.

I sat and listened to Annie and her partner attentively, as the stories progressively got crazier and the pictures juicier. I wasn’t just blown away by Annie’s history however; I was blown away by her current work. Annie and Elizabeth are on a quest to help save the earth from pollution and destruction, and have chosen to come at the issue from an unusual position. Their belief? To look at the earth as your Lover, not your Mother. To become Ecosexual in your love for the earth, by honouring and cherishing it until death brings you closer together. I was captivated by this idea and vowed to become ecosexual as well. Perhaps I might even make a few t-shirts to proclaim my new sexual identity (“Recyclers Do It Twice”).

Annie’s message was clear and inspiring, so I thought I would do my part in spreading the news. Please recycle your old sex toys (www.sextoyrecycling.com) and support causes such as ‘Fuck for the Forest’ (www.fuckforforest.com). If you’d like to know more about Annie Sprinkle you can check out her website.

Wanna Bite?

Recently I was sent the book Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen Based Recipes. The author proclaims that “Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!”

This ‘Gourmand World Cookbook Award’ nominated book does present a plethora of recipes and tips for cooking with semen. However, my question isn’t so much why someone would want to cook with semen, as I feel that drinking milk that was squeezed from the teat of another animal isn’t that much better, but rather how consistent is semen as an ingredient? As sexual scientists we’ve studied the precarious nature of semen and its changing consistency between people and within each person throughout their lifespan. Some semen is quite acidic (such as the ones that leave yellow stains on a man’s ‘hanky’ socks/towels from his ejaculate) some semen sweet. Sweet is of course a relative term, as semen usually doesn’t taste like lollypops. But my point is, if a man is living on fast food and beer as opposed to fresh fruit and veggies, his semen is going to present with vastly different flavour properties. So, can we really trust the ingredient to taste as the chef intended it to? Or will each of these recipes be dependent on the donors’ lifestyle?

A quick sidebar before you try the Natural Harvest recipes, I should point out that the sous-chef (for lack of a better term) must not have a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI), a contagious blood borne disease, acute long term exposure to poisons, heavy metals, radiation or intravenous injections. The receiver must also be careful that they are not allergic to the semen, have cancer tumours that could contact concentrated ejaculate, or are sensitive to testosterone. However, if you and your partner are both free of the above constraints and want to try some tasty new recipes, please feel free! I would love to hear your reaction to the dish you made, and whether or not you’d recommend it to others…. as I think I might sit this one out.

Sex Toy Talk During Cock Tales

We began with a little light sex talk focused around virginity, the pros and cons of holding onto it and whether or not women today are losing their V-card at a younger age. From here the topics migrated into the juicier realms of sex and fantasy, role-play, oral sex, anal, sex toys, positions, and the age old question: Does size really matter?

As a Sex Therapist I am slightly biased when it comes to this question as ‘science’ tells us that we only have ‘feeling’ in the first few inches of the vagina, therefore anything longer then 3-4 inches can in theory, get the job done. The ladies had some differing opinions on the matter, but all and all agreed that the effort put forth by the man (mixed with his ability to pull something out of his sexual bag of tricks every once and awhile) was more important to them then the length of his penis. Any thoughts?

(Side Note: Want to see if your penis is of average length? Instead of throwing away the toilet paper roll as soon as you’re finished with it, save it as a measuring stick. Next time you get an erection simply slip the roll over your penis. If your penis is the same length and circumference of the roll, you are of average length and width. If you stick out the top of the roll you’ve got some extra length, and if you can’t fit the roll over your penis then you’ve got some extra girth).

Overall the cock tales was a blast. We drank, told stories, and in the end… touched on more taboo topics in one afternoon then many do in a lifetime. Wouldn’t you have loved to be a fly on the wall in that room?!

Well the good news is you can be! We brought a small camera crew along for cock tales and will be posting our weekly discussions on our YouTube channel: CLICK HERE TO WATCH!

A couple came in to see me because the husband was having erectile issues. I was asking him how he masturbated and whether, when he did, he went all the way over the top of his penis or not. He clearly had no idea what I was talking about, so I decided to demonstrate on a dildo.

I took the dildo – which had a suction pad on the bottom of it – out of the bottom drawer of my desk. Because of this suction you are able to stick it against a wall like an erection (this of course makes demonstrations much easier). So…. I was slamming this dildo against the wall as hard as I could over and over but it still wasn’t sticking.

I felt like an idiot.

So I decided to put it down on the table, and see if it would stick to that instead. There I was demonstrating the technique when suddenly I pull the dildo off of the table and it flies across the room almost hitting the woman in the face. She literally had to duck. It just missed her, whizzing past her head and hitting the wall on the other side of the room.

I was mortified. I told her, “I don’t know what to tell you, I don’t normally throw dildos at my client’s heads. At least not in the first session.” That was my very first paid client. Impressive, eh?

Giving out sex advice on Robson Street, Vancouver.

A couple of days ago, I had someone ask me a question about ways to teach a new and relatively inexperienced lover. This can be a difficult thing, because the last thing you want to do is make someone think that they are crap in bed and knock their confidence. There are some subtle but very effective ways of helping a guy to become a better lay, and increasing the amount of pleasure that you both get from your erotic rendezvous.

A great way to help teach a new lover is to do the sandwich technique. For example, lets say your new lover is a man that doesn’t know how to change up speeds during sex, so he is constantly doing the ‘jack-rabbit’. To help teach him you employ this sandwich method:

This means, start with something positive (e.g, I want to tell you that you feel amazing inside of me) then say something that needs ‘fixing’ while trying not to use the word ‘but’ (So, you know what I would really love? For you to go nice and slow sometimes so I can really feel every inch of you) and then end with something positive (Because you are so incredible I just want to soak up every bit of you). This is called a sandwich because you put something negative (or needs fixing) inside two positive things.

Also, body language works wonders. We learn by watching…. monkey see monkey do. If you want gentle touch, be gentle with your partner. If you want to be licked up and down and then nibbled on, do so to your partner. Even the slowest learner will catch on eventually and start taking notes from your technique.

One of the common issues that can come up with any inexperienced lover is that they can come off too quickly because they are so damned excited to be doing “it”. There are a number of ways that you can deal with this either by talking to him about it, or if the idea mortifies you there are actions that you can take without addressing the issue at all verbally.

Instruction for the willing student (and teacher)

The most useful thing that he can do to deal with coming off too quickly is to masturbate as often as possible. For real. The more he can masturbate the better, because if he hasn’t ejaculated recently, and I mean within the last six hours or so, the chances of him holding on and not ejaculating quickly when he gets in to bed with you will decrease dramatically. So ideally, if you are going out for a date he needs to tug one off before he gets there.

Bearing this in mind, if he asks for tips, this is the first thing you should tell him, to do the five-knuckle-shuffle as often as possible.

If he is willing to take instruction, there is also a really good classic technique that is very effective in prolonging his orgasm: The Squeeze Technique. Every time he gets close to orgasm, he pulls his penis out and either you or he squeezes the head of his penis quite firmly. (The thumb should be placed on the frenulum, which is located just under his glans – the head of his penis.) Squeezing there for 20 to 30 seconds will stop him from wanting to ejaculate, so that you can prolong sex. you can do this as many times as you like throughout intercourse, and it is a great long term training technique.

(Again, when you are introducing a new way of doing something, use the sandwich technique: “Do you think that we can try this technique that I have heard about, or that we can push on here and see if it will help?” And then again end with something positive, “Oh baby, you make me feel so hot,” etc etc.)

Ideas for those who would rather not talk about it

A lot of girls might be too embarrassed to say, “Can you masturbate before you come and hang out?” One easy method to get them to last longer is to kind of have a warm-up round of sex where you get the first ejaculation over quickly. If you are making out with the guy, give him a hand job until he ejaculates. Don’t try to prolong it, just make it fast and dirty so he comes off, so it is quite literally over in two minutes. Then it is time to start the foreplay for you, giving him a chance to go down on you or whatever to get you off before he is hard again (which is going to be another 20 or 30 minutes, depending on his age).

That way, when you do get to actually having sex, he is automatically going to last longer and you are good and warmed up before he gets inside of you.  You didn’t even have to say anything, you don’t even need to broach the subject.

Another thing that you could do is go out and buy either a lubricant or condoms that have a numbing quality (available in drugstores everywhere). Then just say to say to him, “I just got this new lube and it’s great, you wanna try it with me?” That way, he is automatically number without having to say anything and he’s going to last longer because he can’t feel as much – but I promise he’ll have just as much fun.

The great thing about taking on an inexperienced lover is that they are a blank slate, bringing few bad habits or expectations into bed with them.