The K-Y Brand and myself are teaming up to answer your sex and relationship questions. This new application on facebook is completely anonymous and 100% FREE! I will be recording personal video responses to your questions, so check-er out and ask away!

Link to the New Free K-Y Brand Question and Answer Facebook Page<

Scene from The People vs Larry Flynt

The Breakdown
Size by Colour Range: From the largest, which is dark green 16.10-17.93cm (6.3-7.1 inches) to the smallest, which is dark red 9.66-11.67cm (3.8-4.6 inches).

The Truth
According to a study done in 1996 by urologists at San Francisco General Hospital – There is no correlation between the length of a man’s penis when flaccid and the same penis when erect.
The average penis is between 4-6 inches in length, and according to a common medical rule of thumb, anything within two standard deviations of the mean is “normal”. In vaginal penetration, the dimensions of the penis are almost irrelevant, because the elasticity of the vaginal wall makes it a “one-size-fits-all” organ and in anal and oral penetration, a small penis may actually be an advantage.

In general, the significance of penis size lies only in the mind…..

Every teacher, child, teen, parent, or soon to be parent, needs to watch this educational film!!!
More info on this amazing program from TLC entitled “Lets Talk About Sex” can be found at www.letstalkaboutsexthefilm.com

But what is semen?

Well as I’m sure most of you know, semen, or seminal fluid, is a thick, off-white liquid ejaculated from the male urethra at sexual climax. But what you may not know, is that sperm only account for approximately 1% of the total volume of the semen. A single ejaculation usually ranges between 2-5 millilitres (1 tsp), and contains between 100-700 million sperm.

Why such a vast difference in the number of sperm? Well ones sperm count can be affected by many things, such as wearing tight fitting pants/underwear, spending too much time in hot tubs, continuous heating of the testes due to strenuous exercise, and consuming many environmental pollutants (such as agricultural pesticides). Side note: According to research the average sperm counts in several Western countries dropped by nearly one-half between 1940-1990. A drop in ejaculate volume was also detected. Environmental toxins have been suspected to have contributed to this wide spreading effect on sperm in the US, Canada, and other countries over the last several decades.

So if sperm only account for 1% of the semen, where does the other 99% of the seminal fluid come from? Well about 70% comes from the seminal vesicles, approximately 30% from the prostate gland, and less than 1% comes from the testis. And within this mixture, there is a large degree of fructose (sugar), calcium binders (citric acid), enzymes, vitamins and antioxidants.

Semen Chart

Yes we all know antioxidants and vitamins are good for us, but so is a shot of wheatgrass and fish oil and I don’t see many men falling to their knees for a taste of those two. So what is the take home lesson of the day? Gentlemen’s relish does have some good properties, but seems to be decreasing by the decade. So what can we do? Buy organic, keep the family jewels in a spacious, cool environment, and help put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college by refreshing the bodily supply often.

The bonobo, also known as Pan paniscus, is an endangered species of ape that – along with the chimpanzee – share approximately 98.5% of our DNA. However unlike chimpanzees (who are known to be quite a violent species) the bonobos motto is unequivocally; “Make love, not war”.

While reproduction is the original function of sexual behaviour, humans and bonobos have found other uses for sex that have no direct connection with producing young. Within the bonobo culture, females are sexually responsive for most of their ovarian cycle (advertising their yearning for sex through the swelling and displaying of their genitals), but they are also receptive when they are not cycling at all. Meaning, for the majority of the time a female is willing, there is no chance that sex will result in pregnancy. Females and males also frequently engage in homosexual encounters. When two females have sex for example, they embrace face to face while rubbing their swollen genitals together until both females reach orgasm. This behaviour, known as genito-genital rubbing, is unique to female-female encounters.

Now although the bonobos were never given a pop-up version of the Kama Sutra to flip through and consult, they are also doing quite well in diversifying their sexual positions portfolio. Front to front copulation is rare among mammals, as is the male-male homosexual position that involves rubbing penises while hanging from a tree branch, however the bonobos have mastered these with ease.

Now I’m sure there are a few readers out there that are still unimpressed with the bonobos sexual prowess, comparing our behaviours with them, using this as just another example of why humans trump all other species (although come on, I’d like to see any two men try and rub ‘joysticks’ together while hanging from a tree branch, seriously though…… I would like to see that). But I digress.

Bonobos top humans on the sexual front because….

Aside from physical pleasure, bonobos also use sex for the cementing of social relationships and formation of alliances, AND for the prevention and resolution of conflicts! For example, if two bonobos are faced with a conflict in food allocation, they will engage in sex (regardless of the gender) and then divide the food peacefully!
This means that on any given day, bonobos could spend a vast majority of their time simply ‘making love’. No war, an equal sharing of food and resources, and frequent sex that can result in mutual orgasms……

Does life get any better?

So next time you ask yourself what animal you’d like to be reincarnated as, consider the bonobo.
I know John Lennon would.

In just over a decade, the federal government has invested more than $1.5 billion dollars in strict abstinence-only programs (which were the only sex education programs eligible for federal funding).
Statistics:
• Among youth participating in “virginity pledge” programs, researchers found that 88% broke the pledge and had sex before marriage. Furthermore, once pledgers began to have sex, they had more partners in a shorter period of time and were less likely to use contraception or condoms than were their non-pledging peers.
• Evaluations of publicly funded abstinence-only programs in at least 13 states have shown no positive changes in sexual behaviors over time.
• No abstinence-only program has yet been proven through rigorous evaluation to help youth delay sex for a significant period of time, help youth decrease their number of sex partners, or reduce STI or pregnancy rates among teens.
• The U.S. House of Representative’s Committee on Government Reform led by Rep. Henry A. Waxman released a report showing that 80% of the most popular federally funded abstinence-only education programs use curricula that distort information about the effectiveness of contraceptives, misrepresent the risks of abortion, blur religion and science, treat stereotypes about girls and boys as scientific fact, and contain basic scientific errors.

Why should we care?
- Experts estimate that about one young person in the United States is infected with HIV every hour of every day. And that nearly 15% of the 56,000 annual new cases of HIV infections in the United States occurred in youth ages 13 through 24 in 2006.
- The NCHS reports a 5% national increase between 2005 and 2007 in teenage birthrates in the U.S; from 40.5 to 42.5 births per 1,000 young women aged 15-19.

Thank you Obama!
For FY10 – removing the streams of funding for abstinence-only programs, and creating funding for programs which have been proven effective at reducing teen pregnancy, delaying sexual activity, and increasing contraceptive use.
And for starting on a path that would put an end to the teachings demonstrated in the videos above!

Last seen humping his best friends wife. Answers to Steven

My thoughts?

Sometimes coming clean can bring two people closer together, as their faults are brought forth with honesty, and both know where the other truly stands. However sometimes this honesty can be so earth shattering that it blows the boundaries of what a person conceives to be possible in their mind…. wide open, and leaves nothing but the sound of a heart literally ripping in two.

So before I head down this ‘honesty at all costs’ path, I stop and ponder…. why do some individuals feel the need for uncompromised confession? Are they religious? Do they adhere to an all honesty policy in all walks and areas of their life? Would they confess if they cheated simply because the guilt of their actions would overcome them so much that they would need to come clean in order to make themselves feel better? (And therefore knowing this about themselves, and their inability to cheat, they have ‘an easy in’ to take this moral high road) And if this is the case, could this honesty not be construed as selfish, at its most simplistic overanalysed core?

Well apparently I’m not the only one who has pondered the inner mind workings of infidelity, as new research has been conducted that claims that the unfaithful might have a slightly different variant in their genes.

A study done out of the State University in New York found that those with a certain variant of the DRD4 gene (which affects levels of the brain chemical dopamine), were more likely to have a history of uncommitted sex, including one-night stands and acts of infidelity. The motivation for these individuals seems to stem from a system of pleasure and reward, which is where the release of dopamine takes center stage.

When infidelity is concerned, the risks are high, but the reward insures a dopamine rush, and usually, a sexual denouement. The affair for these individuals may be chemically akin to one that a gambler feels when their luck has changed, or an alcoholic may feel when savouring a drink.

Now of course we can’t blame biology for all our wrongdoings, as that would completely stifle the long standing academic nature/nurture debate….. and who doesn’t love jumping into that one on a Friday night?…… No?…… It’s just me?…… I need to get out more don’t I?

Anyways, my point…. we can’t blame biology for everything, and we can’t simply give these genetic miscreants a get-out-of-jail-free card so they may prance around town and do who, or what they please. As I agree that we all need to take responsibility for our actions, and try our best to become a better person, treating others – especially our partners – the way that we wish to be treated.

So do I think that people should cheat and then keep it to themselves? No that’s not necessarily what I’m saying. If you are cheating on someone (especially if its a continuous event) the best road is probably to end the relationship….. but the question I point to is, do you want to do so in a blaze of honesty?

Simply put, sometimes we should take a step back from the moral high road and question not only the cheaters motives, but the honesty Nazi’s motives as well. As the sooner we can learn that no path is the right one to take 100% of the time – as the world isn’t black and white, but many shades of grey – the sooner we will become more empathetic, and gain a higher understanding for the complexity that is human nature.

(Ya I’m playing devils advocate….. roll with it for a bit….. see how it feels)

Middle Sex Series
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHp3sHkE1bc
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoYo9Syc8g4
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaPsiGutGPQ
Part 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEjgUt9u39U
Part 6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xq8fFtAzR8
Part 7: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmKAnpF0zS4
Part 8: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1o_hXcHWAI
Part 9: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LC5UTozpa4
Part 10: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qb_sPmd6DnE

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” ~Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Rape-Axe – as its name implies – was designed by Dr Sonnet Ehlers as a rape deterrent for women in South Africa (which has the highest rape rates in the world; 28% of men having raped a girl/woman in their life, and 1 in 20 of these men claiming that they have raped in the last year!).

The condom is meant to be pre-inserted by the woman when she feels nervous regarding her surroundings, adding an extra layer of unseen protection for the woman’s conscience. Once this special ‘reliance appliance’ has become latched onto a penis, it can only be removed by a doctor, with authorities on standby.

I’m suddenly feeling a MasterCard commercial ‘cuming’ on:
Condom Price: $2 dollars
Evening out on the town: $47 dollars
Hearing a would be rapist scream while the doctors surgically remove a piece of his private parts…… Priceless

On one particular evening when Mrs. Johnson was hitting a solid G6 in her vocal range, I pondered the effect the Johnsons were having on our other neighbor’s assumptions about the normality of sex within a long term relationship. Were these couples inflicted two-fold with the inevitable question of how often they ‘should be’ having sex? And what other factors lead us to want to classify what is normative in the bedroom?
Whats Normal?!
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Many women have stepped into my office with their husbands in tow, wanting nothing more than my support in justifying their anger with the fact that their significant other plays sexual solitaire. I listen attentively, commiserate with them for finding out the shocking truth, and then turn to their husband and say, “Congratulations for taking a step towards good health, I commend you in your actions. Keep up the solo work”.

Once the look of shock has firmly planted itself upon their faces, I take the lead in explaining all the health benefits to self-loving and why it is extremely important for the husband to continue in his quest for good sexual health by ‘getting in touch with himself’ on a regular basis.

Self-loving may do more for your partner than hitting the gym.
The Top 5 Reasons Why its Important for Men to Keep Up the Solo Work
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As a sex therapist, I get many books on love, sex and relationships crossing my desk. Some linger and are reread multiple times, while others are read, scoffed at and then tossed quickly from my sight. This is a list of the former: Five books that either caught my eye, educated my mind, opened my networks to invaluable dialogue, or simply stimulated my sex craving curiosity button for more than a fleeting moment. Here they are:
Top 5 Books on Sex, Love and Relationships
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On more than one occasion this summer I sat around a roaring bonfire and praised the maker of the Graham Cracker. For me, biting into a delicious smore is like an orgasm of the mouth; the melted chocolate, marshmallow and cracker combine to produce nothing less than a cascade of happiness for my taste buds. However, it wasn’t long ago when the makers of the Graham Cracker would have been appalled to learn of its current use, and my salacious “relationship” with its fine product. Why you ask? Keep reading to find out, the answer may shock you!
Test your sex savvy with the following ten shocking sexual facts

Cheers!

Dr. Teesha Morgan

P.S Yes to all these questions: “Is it ok to syndicate your blog/content?”, “Can I use your information if I link back to your site?”, “Can I quote you in an article?”, “Would it be ok to use your feed?”, “Can I use your RSS?” and “Can I post a link to your site from mine?”

An engineering professor is treating her husband, a loan officer, to dinner for finally giving in to her pleas to shave off the scraggly beard he grew on vacation. His favorite restaurant is a casual place where they both feel comfortable in slacks and cotton/polyester-blend golf shirts. But, as always, she wears the gold and pearl pendant he gave her the day her divorce decree was final. They’re laughing over their menus because they know he always ends up diving into a giant plate of ribs but she won’t be talked into anything more fattening than shrimp.

Quiz: How many biblical prohibitions are they violating? Well, wives are supposed to be ‘submissive’ to their husbands (I Peter 3:1). And all women are forbidden to teach men (I Timothy 2:12), wear gold or pearls (I Timothy 2:9) or dress in clothing that ‘pertains to a man’ (Deuteronomy 22:5). Shellfish and pork are definitely out (Leviticus 11:7, 10) as are usury (Deuteronomy 23:19), shaving (Leviticus 19:27) and clothes of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19). And since the Bible rarely recognizes divorce, they’re committing adultery, which carries the rather harsh penalty of death by stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22).

So why are they having such a good time? Probably because they wouldn’t think of worrying about rules that seem absurd, anachronistic or – at best – unrealistic. Yet this same modern-day couple could easily be among the millions of Americans who never hesitate to lean on the Bible to justify their own anti-gay attitudes. ~Deb Price

I try not to use this blog space to go on anti-religious tangents, as I myself was church bound for years, and I respect the drive that most congregations’ have to make positive changes within their communities. Therefore this post is not directed solely at the church, nor any other specific societal group, but rather, it is a small collection of quotes and images that speak to the absurdity and ignorance of anti-gay remarks, actions, and legislation. I – like millions of others – am appalled, frustrated, hurt and angry at the number of suicides within the gay community in the last few months. Therefore this post is for Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, Asher Brown, Billy Lucas and Justin Aaberg, as well as the myriad of other gay youth who are struggling to simply gain acceptance in a society that pushes them to feel as though the sole equality on earth, is death.

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision. ~Lynn Lavner

Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons. ~Letter to the editor, The Advocate

The next time someone asks you, “Hey, howdja get to be a homosexual anyway?” tell them, “Homosexuals are chosen first on talent, then interview… then the swimsuit and evening gown competition pretty much gets rid of the rest of them.” ~Karen Williams

War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting? ~Family Advocacy

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one. ~Epitaph of Leonard P. Matlovich, 1988 (Thanks, Marlene)

I try to make my rants on here as educational as possible by throwing in the odd statistic or society shocking must read book. But this week I’ve decided to skip most of the “did you know” part and veer more towards amusing (although I’m sure if you take the time to watch the ‘Killing Us Softly’ Video you will learn something).
Enjoy

The Good…. Messages Worth The Air Time

The Bad…. Killing Us Softly (Advertising and its effects on women)

And The Funny???…. Sex in Advertising

Axe wound, bearded clam, catcher’s mitt, cunt, tuna taco, snatch, twat… all these words are common North American slang terms for the vagina. Funny? Possibly. Disturbing? A little. So what do they all have in common?

A negative connotation to a beautiful body part.

Why must most vagina referrals be negative? Why has our society attached shame and repugnance to a part of the body that not only brings pleasure, but life itself?

Well I can sit here and ponder the origins of our sexual distain… blame the church, our patriarchal system, the Victorian era etc however the past can’t be changed, regardless of its origins. So, the future is what I look to.

How do we change these beliefs into something more positive? Well, we start with art.

The book Petals, by Nick Karras, is an amazing body of work which contains nothing more than the pure, untainted black and white photos of women’s vulva’s. As up close and personal as an eye can get, Karras captures the essence of true feminine form and diversity in these stunning images. No names, no faces, just raw uncensored genitals in their entirety.

I was moved when I first saw Karras book. Not because I was shocked by the images (although the diversity of the vulva is much greater than porn leads us to believe), but because I knew how difficult it must have been for the women to take off their cloths, release there inhabitations, break down the shame many have attached to their vaginas and spread their legs for the world to see.

That courage and pride in their true feminine form is – in my opinion – something worth spreading. So… I spread it (pun intended). Karras new book, Petals 2, is a color version of his original and yes, I am honoured to say I’m in his new artful masterpiece. Of course I’ll NEVER tell which photo is mine, however I’m still proud of the fact that I was able to embrace my pulchritudinous vulva and spread my legs for the future societal path towards vaginal beauty.

So I leave you with this….. love canal, slice of heaven, honey pot, grassy knoll, jewel box, crack of heaven.

VAGINA – It’s Not A Clown Car

It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and cigarettes were placed on prescription. ~Malcolm Potts, MD

Masturbation - Playing with Yourself

In today’s scientifically based society one would hope that these negative views on masturbation would fade, given the fact that we have proven that masturbation leading to orgasm has numerous health benefits (sleep aid, eases depression, stress reliever, makes you look younger, helps alleviate sinus pressure, elevates mood, pain reliever etc and the list goes on and on).

But where does masturbation fit in the minds of this generation?

Well it turns out that the frequency with which people masturbate is strongly influenced by their sex, age, ethnicity, religion, educational level, marital status and sexual orientation. So if science holds true, I could theoretically predict how often YOU masturbated – and your views on it – by simply asking you a few simple questions.

Turns out, if you are a 25-35 year old white (or Hispanic) male, whose never been married, has a master’s degree or higher and categorizes themselves as “other” in the religious realm; then you’ve spent a lot of time playing sexual solitaire. I’m sure it’s no surprise that men on average report masturbating more often than women, but it may be a surprise to learn that among women, homosexual behaviour or identity is associated with a higher frequency of masturbation, surpassing some males of heterosexual standing – depending on the factors listed above.

Despite “normative” factors, what does evolutionary psychologists says about “couch hockey for one” – a behaviour that seems disadvantageous for the point of view of reproductive success?

Well it’s possible that male masturbation is an adaptive behaviour because it gets rid of “aged” sperm that have been stored for some time and are no longer of optimal quality for fertilization. And masturbation in both sexes may simply be a by-product of selection for other behavioural traits that increase our reproductive success, like a high sex drive.

So with May being National Masturbation month, I suggest we celebrate! Lets drop our negative labels and do what biology has equipped us to do! After all, if God didn’t want you to masturbate he would have made your arms shorter.

It wasn’t but a few weeks ago that I was faced with something far outside my comfort zone. Metaphorically speaking, my toes were hanging over the edge of the cliff and my heart was pounding. It was then that I asked myself… “Do I have the balls?”

Now, before I could take ‘the leap’ I was immediately distracted by my minds use of the comical saying. Where did it come from and why do big balls equate to something exceptional?

Before long I found my answer…. sperm competition and female promiscuity.

When you think about it, it’s obvious that our current sexual anatomy and physiology give us hints about the sexual behaviour of men and women during human evolution. For example, there is a direct relationship between testis size in a species and the degree of female promiscuity. When females are promiscuous, the competition between males of some species can continue AFTER mating – by means of sperm competition. The insertion of the penis can cause the ejection of sperm already present in the female from a previous mate, or part of the males ejaculate may coagulate into a dense plug that prevents later insemination by other males.

In species in which sperm competition is high, penises tend to be longer and testes larger so that a large number of sperm can be produced. For example, sperm competition is much more intense among chimpanzees than among gorillas, therefore the size of the testes is much greater in chimpanzees. In pigs (where mating is extremely ‘loose’) males have penises long enough to deposit semen directly into the females uterus and ejaculate can measure a pint or more in volume!

So how does the size of human testis compare?

The human testis, at 10-14 grams each, lie about halfway between those of a chimp and a gorilla (after accounting for differences in overall body size). Turns out, humans are about average-sized among primates as a whole. So what does this suggest? Female promiscuity and sperm competition have been factors in human evolution…..

And, the male with the biggest balls really does get the women.

The website ‘Beautiful Agony’ has pushed the boundaries of the “O” Face by presenting viewers with just that; the raw face of an orgasm, nothing more nothing less. Not cluttered by words or descriptions, the site takes us on a journey of pleasure from one face to another. There are no actors, no editing and no faking. Just real faces of those brave enough to share their “O” Face with the world.

My view of the site? Brilliant.

It’s about time we sexualized more than fake breasts, large penises and Debbie’s travels through Dallas. In my opinion the site is also doing a great service to the pro-masturbation campaign of our time. Now although “masturbation” is not one of the seven forbidden words that have been banned from our airwaves by the Federal Communications Commission (those words in case you were wondering are piss, fuck, shit, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits) it might as well be considering the rarity with which it is spoken or seen of within our society.

By spreading the good word about sites like ‘Beautiful Agony’ and ‘IFeelMyself’, we are helping to dispel the negative connotations surrounding masturbation and creating a sex-positive space with which our youth can live. So please, help spread the “O” Face love, and show our generation that erotica can be simplistic, artistic and realistic.

Who are they?

They are the porn industries forgotten clientele….the blind.
Most books are meant to be looked at and read only with our eyes, however Canada’s own Lisa J. Murphy has decided that that category is far too limiting. Murphy has written a book entitled the Tactile Mind, in which she takes the idea of written pornography to a 3D level. Inspired by the void of availability of erotic books for the visually impaired, Murphy has created a work of art that contains explicit soft-core images raised from the pages and accompanied by Braille text and photos.

Now I’m sure many would question Murphy’s consumer market, or lack there of. However few realize that there are currently more than 836,000 Canadians living with significant vision loss, therefore the market for the Tactile Mind’s 3D effects is greater than one might think. Creating this masterfully crafted book for consumers is however, a far more problematic process, as each book can take between 40-50 hours to create and is between 13-15 centimetres thick when shut! With all the man hours put into producing each copy, its asking price of $225 is therefore a somewhat reasonable price.

So, if you’re in the mood for some interesting 3D pornography grab a copy of Murphy’s Tactile Mind. Sure you may have a hard time understanding the Braille…. but really, no one buys porn for the articles anyway.

Well after a little research I learned that nowadays, it looks as though these books have fallen victim to the viral industry. The webpage ‘Bedpost’ is a free site whose tagline is “Ever wonder how often you get busy?” Users of the site simply enter details of their latest sexual encounter – in a calendar black book type style – which includes everything from how long it lasted and who it was with, to a rating of the experience on a scale of one to five. The site then creates a map of your sexual activity and generates your own statistics and tracks your averages. So now when you’re laying in bed at night ruminating over whether ‘Hump Day’ (Wednesdays) truly lives up to its name, you’ll have a statistically verified answer waiting for you at your fingertips. Now Bedpost claims that the password protected site is for personal private use only, but I’m sure many users are thinking, ‘what’s the use of tracking your stats if you can’t compare?’

If comparing and sharing are up your alley, then the website ‘I Just Made Love’ might be more your style, as it allows users to do this on a global level. Individuals simply input where they’ve just done the deed (using Google Maps to mark exact locations), whether sex was indoors or outdoors and which sexual positions they tried. So, if you’re curious about your cities action meter, or which country favours doggy style, give the site a quick look up and down. You might be shocked by what’s going on down the street!

When we look at animals across the planet and throughout time, we find that the male/Adam came first, female/Eve second story, just doesn’t really fit the bill. There are many known cases of female only species existing and thriving throughout civilization, however no male only species have EVER been discovered.

The common whiptail lizard (Cnemidophorus uniparens), found in arid environments in the south-western United States, is just one example of a female only species. These lizards reproduce parthenogenetically therefore no sperm or male lizard is needed. Oddly enough however, the female lizards do engage in sexual behaviour, but since neither animal has testis or a penis, there is no actual sexual penetration or transfer of sperm.

Another group of animals, referred to as bdelloid rotifers, are tubelike creatures that can be found in almost any freshwater environment today. This female only species are known to have existed for at least 40 million years, and they are not just one species but an entire class of invertebrates with at least 352 different species! That number alone accounts for an enormous amount of successful female only species on our planet.

So the next time you’re gazing at our beautiful environment consider the fact that she’s called Mother Nature for more than one reason. And when you’re at this weeks dinner party, and your husband or boyfriend thoughtfully asks you if you’d like one of his ‘ribs’, just shake your head and say, ‘No thanks honey – I’m finished – how about I give you one of mine’.

Turns out scientists are kinkier than we think. By simply stimulating the sacral nerve root (the headquarters for orgasms, along the spinal nerve) with an electrode, one can trigger an orgasm, even in the legally dead (this of course would only work on beating heart cadavers that are brain dead but whose bodies are kept ‘alive’ with respirators).

So, if teeth brushing, brow stroking, dead people can have one, what are 16% of women (the percentage of the female population reporting to have never reached orgasm) doing wrong? This is obviously a very complicated question with a multitude of possible answers. So instead or dragging you through pages of explanations, I’ll try and give the coles notes version of why some women have trouble reaching orgasm.

1.) Fear of failure and overly concerned with pleasuring ones partner
If you are constantly doubting your ability to please your mate then chances are you’re in a negative mind frame that is clouding your sexual satisfaction. If you’re focused too much on what you’re doing, and not how you’re feeling, then no amount of stimulation from your partner is going to bring about an orgasm.
2.) Not doing something that feels good to you
Are you being touched effectively? If your partner isn’t sure where your clitoris is or how to rub it just right, then it’s your responsibility to show them. Don’t fake it when it doesn’t feel good, as that causes repetition of ineffective touch and in the end, you both loose. You’re not receiving orgasms, and you’re robbing your partner of the knowledge and satisfaction of knowing what makes you climax.
3.) Internal dialogue
Many women find it hard to be ‘in the moment’ during sex. They are constantly thinking of other things, such as: “Do I look fat?”, “Do I smell?”, “Does he really love me?” etc. This internal dialogue distracts us from focusing on the moment and the actual touch of our partner. It’s virtually impossible to have an orgasm while thinking about how flat your stomach looks or when the last time you cleaned your sheets was.
4.) Failure to communicate openly and without guilt to ones partner
If sex is difficult for you to talk about, then you’re not alone. If you’re too ashamed to admit that you like to be bitten or that you want to incorporate your vibrator into your love life, then chances are you not going to reach your orgasmic potential. So, be as open and honest as possible, for only the truth will set your orgasms free.
5.) Medical reasons
Diabetes, urinary tract infections, overactive bladder, yeast infections, clitoral adhesion’s, depression (and anti-depressants), obesity, fatigue, constipation, STI’s, menopause, birth control and other medications are just a FEW things that can have detrimental effects on a woman’s orgasm. If you feel as though the first four issues mentioned are not a problem for you, then perhaps there is a medical reason why you’re having difficulty reaching orgasm. The best thing to do is contact your doctor and discuss your options with him/her.

It’s also important to remember that only 30% of women experience an orgasm through penetration alone. Therefore focusing all your attention on achieving an orgasm during intercourse can have discouraging results. Don’t rely strictly on penile penetration to bring you to climax, expand the time you spend on foreplay, don’t be afraid to stimulate your clitoris during sex and always be ‘in the moment’. As your mind is your largest sex organ, therefore if it’s not present, your body will have checked out long ago.

In Sex and the City Carrie was dumped via a post-it note. Harsh? Yes, but nowadays, there’s worse. A man by the name of Bradley Laborman, from IDUMP4U.com, is paving new ground in the break up scene by doing the dirty deed for you for a measly $10. May seem cheap, but Bradley’s getting his fair share out of the deal as he tapes his phone conversations and then posts them online for all to hear (check out the link above entitled ‘Bradleys Work’ to hear a short clip).

In Bradley’s eyes, he is performing a service by delivering the exit line for you. And surprisingly, many women agree, as women are his number one clientele. So what is the main driving force for using the service? “It’s fear”, Bradley claims, “I had one guy who couldn’t do it because every time he tried to do it, he’d end up having breakup sex with her and get back together. I think a lot of them have tried a couple times to break up with the person, and it’s just not getting through to them.”

Ok, so getting a phone call from a complete stranger telling you your relationship is over, pretty cold. But what about getting an anonymous ecard informing you that you may have an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection)?!

‘Hello Sarah, I’m so sorry to inform you that you might have an STI. We had fun but now we’re done and I’m sorry to say that I ‘came’ with strings attached. Tests reveal I have herpes. Please get tested.’

Anonymous egreetings can now be sent to your past sexual partner(s) explaining your current ‘situation’ down below. The program that is facilitating the ecards is called inSPOT, a non-profit organization dedicated to developing and using Internet technologies to prevent disease transmission and enhance the sexual well-being of individuals and communities. Now I know what you’re thinking, who wants to receive an impersonal ecard telling them they might have an STI?! Well no one, of course. But this program might be the best option when considering your choices. One, don’t tell any past partners and live with the guilt that you helped spread an infection (possibly life threatening or fertility affecting) to others. Two, tell them in person that you are the reason for the burning sensation between their thighs. Or three, send them an anonymous ecard with an apology and a list of all the closest STI clinics in their area.

IDUMP4U.com and inSPOT may be harsh in their delivery systems (I think Bradley gets a woody from delivering the bad news…. yes you do Bradley, just admit it), but don’t many adhere to the statement that all’s fair in love and war?
Or possibly – insert Jack Nicholson – YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Lewis Carroll (known by birth as Charles Dodgson) was the author of two immortal children’s books, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. But Carroll, a renowned Oxford University mathematician, writer and photographer was – to put it mildly – interested in little girls.

The Alice books were written for Alice Liddell, the young daughter of an Oxford dean. Alice was however only one of Carroll’s many young friends, as the writer had a succession of close friendships with at least 40 girls – friendships that generally (though not always) faded when the girls reached their teen years. He wrote thousands of letters to these girls, often illustrating them with his own notable artwork or photography. This photography was a great passion for Carroll, as he photographed innumerable young girls, many of them naked. And no, Carroll never married.

To diagnose the great writer as a heterosexual pedophile is fraught with risk and is complicated by conflicting motives: the desire to read psychopathology into the lives of important historical figures versus the desire to preserve the sanctity of one of the world’s most beloved children’s authors. Many biographical writers downplay the pedophile possibility by describing Carroll as a Peter Pan-like figure who was socially inept and simply remained asexual throughout his life. Others however point to his diaries (which still exist) and the deep guilt he expressed but never made clear, mixed with the fact that some key pages of these diaries have been excised.

Even if we accept the likelihood that Carroll was a pedophile, it is still impossible to know whether he limited his activities to simple voyeurism (as his photography suggests) or went that unspeakable step further, to actual sexual contact with children. Unless the mystery diary pages resurface, Carroll’s sexuality is likely to remain an enigma. But perhaps some things are better left as such. After all, eating magic mushrooms, chasing white rabbits and running from the Queen of hearts, poses enough symbolic questions on their own.

Smirking or Non Smirking

Sex education has become a passion of mine since I started in the field. Perhaps it’s the combination of public speaking and the shock value I get from candidly discussing everything sexual that I enjoy so much. Or maybe it’s the feeling that arises when I can see light bulbs click on over the heads of the audience. Either way, I’ve come to enjoy the expressions that result from the words “Does anyone know what this is for?” (as I hold a 4 foot flogger in my hand), or “Let’s talk about all the health benefits to masturbation”.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all of my presentations have been hugely successful. I’ve fallen on my face while attempting to show the proper whipping techniques, I’ve ripped a condom while trying to demonstrate safe sex practises and I’ve offended a gorgeous transsexual woman by not using the proper cis-gender terminology. However, through these highs and lows I’ve learned a lot and I’ve gained an even deeper passion and appreciation for the sex education movement.

Because of this passion, and the fact that I’ve “NEVER” met a person to date that hasn’t had at least one sexually related question to ask me, yes thats a quote… and you can quote me on the quote unquote I’ve decided to extend the blog page to include your questions. Please feel free to write me any sexually related quagmire you may have in the ‘Ask Teesha A Question’ section of this page.
(All questions asked will receive a detailed response, and will be treated with strict client/counsellor confidentiality)

So, click on the link and spill your guts because I know you’ve been wanting to ask somebody!

Ask Teesha a question!

(Click here to watch a short video on the event)

Less than two weeks ago thousands of Sydney residents congregated at the famous Opera House to shed their cloths in support of a free and equal society. The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras commissioned the famous American artist Spencer Tunick to take the picture, however neither party expected such a tremendous turn out.

Among the naked supporters were a pregnant woman (who was taken to the hospital shortly after the shooting to give birth) and a local weather man, who showed Sydney more than just the daily forecast.

“Gay men and women lay naked next to their straight neighbours and this delivered a very strong message” Tunick said. This was a message to the world, a message letting them know what Australians really embrace. It is stories like these, and individuals like Tunick, that help to spread these ideas to the rest of the world. Ideas that speak to the sameness of individuals, regardless of their sexual preferences.

Whenever I hear of such amazing events happening within our society I’m always moved. I often struggle with thinking optimistically about the future of gay rights, animals rights and mother nature’s rights. However stories like this bring me back to the power of the human spirit and the direction we’re moving in.

Thank you Tunick and thank you Sydney, for paving the way to equality…. one naked butt cheek at a time.

The ‘Smut for Smut’ program, which has drawn widespread attention during its campaign, has apparently done fairly well. Riding on the idea that the program presents a fair trade, group member Brian Talker states, “[Religious texts] are so full of genocide, misogyny and ludicrous ideas that far overshadow any banal common-sense platitudes like loving thy neighbour, that you are better off having porn, which isn’t nearly as smutty.”

Although many question the groups tact, the students profess that ‘Smut for Smut’ is an excellent way to draw attention to religious leaders and the hypocrisy of their condemnations of pornography. “They’ve been going and rallying against pornography for the longest time,” the unidentified student said, “and the disgusting, depraved acts that are within the Bible, Koran and Vedas completely outnumber any [faults] of any pornographic image.”

Christian groups have risen up against the program by establishing anti ‘Smut for Smut’ websites (drawing thousands of members) and by giving away anti-pornography literature in a booth situated across from the Atheist Agenda. As of yet, neither group has backed down and both continue to campaign for their cause.

Although I have always lobbied for freedom of speech, even I know better than to venture my unsolicited opinion on this topic. So I will simply say that I think it’s important to fight for our opinions, but not to believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth. And that we ought to always entertain our belief with some measure of doubt – a point I still struggle with – as I wouldn’t wish people to dogmatically believe any philosophy…. not even mine. So instead of inserting ______ Teesha’s thoughts here _______ I will simply leave you with the facts and let you decide whether you’re offended by this story, or you find gentle amusement in its progressions.

Now most of us can ascertain the fact that the majority of ‘regular’ women aren’t a size 0 with perky double D breasts, and most ‘regular’ men aren’t 8 inches long and can sustain an erection for two hours. However I think there are many other factors portrayed in mainstream pornography that aren’t as widely understood as ‘fiction’.

For example, when watching your favourite porn, does the man usually ‘pull out’ right before he’s about to have an orgasm and then proceed to ejaculate on the woman’s face? Does the women not only enjoy, but also have an orgasm, in every position the man ‘puts’ her in? Does fellatio usually result in a forceful pushing of the woman’s head and gagging? Is anal sex a given? Is the women ‘ready to go’ within seconds of being touched on the genitals? I could go on and on but you get the picture.

I feel that in our society we lack proper in-depth sexual education and therefore many youth are driven towards pornography for this information. The problem? I get many people writing to me asking why they can’t achieve an orgasm quickly enough, why they don’t enjoy anal sex, why they take too long (10 minutes) to become aroused, and why they can’t last for more than 30 minutes in bed.

Just the other day I was told of a woman who was getting together with a younger man for the first time. They had been dating for a few weeks and really hitting if off. So one evening they decided to move things to the next level. Everything was going fairly well (except for the fact that he kept spitting on her vulva when they had lubrication by the bedside), when he suddenly ‘pulled out’ and tried to ejaculate on her face. Lucky for him, she was able to express her sexual distain for this behaviour in a mature fashion, but for a lot of women I know, that would have ended things abruptly.

Now I’m not picking on the men, women are just as susceptible to this new age ‘porno-thinking’. My point is simply that porn is somewhat like a Hollywood movie. Just because you saw it on TV, doesn’t make it true. Don’t believe everything you see in porn, and remember… communication (not penis size or thrusting speed) is what will make you a fantastic lover!

*** For a free sample of K-Y® Brand TOUCH MASSAGE® 2-in-1 WARMING™ body massage and personal lubricant, click here!

Gustav Klimt, who was famous for shocking Edwardian Europe with his sexually explicit artwork (most notably his 1902 “Beethoven Frieze”), is at the centre of the new exhibition. The museum felt that sexually explicit artwork, such as Klimt’s, was important and historic, but no longer shocking enough to the public. To combat this, the workers have combined artistic sexual expression with physical sexual expression. The result? Shock and amazement.

So what are the swingers actually doing in the museum? Well having sex of course. Orgies among the artwork begin in the evening and continue throughout the night. Visitors to the museum are therefore given the opportunity to overcome their inhibitions while ‘taking in’ as much of the artwork as possible.

My view? I think it’s fabulous that museums – often thought of as pretentious in nature – are not only embracing a radical and very liberated view of sexuality, but exposing this view for all to see. My swingers club experiences were not only shocking and liberating, but educational as well. The club that I first attended had multiple rooms with multiple themes (Arabian, Pillow Talk, Club Scene, Jungle etc) and each room had its own vibe. Some were very inviting, others had more of an exhibitionist feel. The rules of “No Means No” and “Ask Before You Touch” were strictly followed. And whether you were just there to observe or you were in to participate, everyone was overtly nice and welcoming. All and all, I think that more people could benefit from this type of experience. Now I’m not saying I joined in on all the ‘love’, but my opinion of the scene was positively altered but my openness to accept other peoples sexual expression.

My only critique is that all swingers could get tagged with an ‘orgy’ label. Many individuals who identify as swingers have more conservative practices that involve dating and couples only get-togethers. Be that as it may, I commend the museum for paving the way for a more liberated view of human sexuality. My motto: If it’s consensual and safe, all the power to you!

During Sydney’s summer games people were provided with 70,000 condoms and ran out! Beijing brought in 100,000 but had 5,000 left over. So what’s the lucky number? Well apparently in Vancouver its 14.6 condoms for each of the 6,850 athletes. Assuming that most condoms are used by couples, that works out to 29 encounters in 2 weeks, or 2 a day!

So why the condom spurge and sex extravaganza? Well, experts say it’s a combination of things. The fact that many athletes abstain from sex before the games, and that a large number of them don’t have steady partners because of their dedication to the sport (therefore they are more able to ‘hook up’ afterwards). Also many of the athletes are surrounded by alcohol, the party atmosphere and are constantly meeting new people.   

Ok so those reasons may seem obvious, but what isn’t is why we’re so interested in the athletes condom usage. Is it because we are bombarded with mysterious and alluring sexual imagery in media daily, and this imagery is almost exclusively tied to young, fit people… So athletes are sexy by definition? Are we just a sexually curious species, voyeurs by nature? Or is it because when it comes to sex, many people feel as though they are somehow missing out on something? Sex is sold to us as this amazing, mind blowing out-of-body experience. When in reality it’s usually messy, sometimes awkward and – for women especially – often lacking an orgasmic ending.  

Well regardless of the reason, I’m elated condoms are on the ‘must have’ list. As STI’s don’t discriminate, and the world is over populated enough. Although you can’t argue the fact that those athletes would produce some genetically gifted individuals!  

“Condoms aren’t completely safe…. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus!” ~ Bob Rubin

Help Me Premature Ejaculation Man! - I'm Coming!

How long do you spend in the bedroom with your partner ‘warming up’, and how much time do you spend on the finishing act? Do you think you clock above average when it comes to time doing the… as Quagmire would say “Gigidy gigidy gigidy oohh yeah”

The average amount of time spent on sex varies greatly depending on many factors. These factors range from what country you live in to whether or not foreplay is included in the definition of sex. It is therefore difficult to find credible sources that agree on this average statistic (some quote the time to be 3-10 minutes, while others testify that it’s 15 minutes to an hour). However finding consensus on foreplay time is much easier. The statistics agree that the average time spent on foreplay in North America is 19.7 minutes, with the UK topping the list with an average of 22.5 minutes.

So why spend so much time on foreplay? Well, for women especially, longer foreplay generally leads to better sex. Our brains are our largest sex organ, so taking the time to warm up our brains and our bodies can create a far more pleasurable experience. Foreplay not only increases lubrication and boosts the chances of a woman reaching orgasm, but it also gives biology (our hormones) time to catch up with our activity.

So how can you extend foreplay and still last longer in bed? Men, follow along closely, as these tips are for you.

Its important for all men to keep up with their Kegel exercises. To do your Kegels, simply squeeze the muscles you would use to stop the flow of urine, and then release. Twenty-five sets of these per day is ideal. Also regular masturbation is important because if a man hasn’t ejaculated recently, his chances of staying erect without ejaculation, drastically decreases.

You can also practice the ‘squeeze technique’ – while masturbating or during intercourse – this involves becoming stimulated up until the point of ejaculatory inevitability (point of no return) and then pressing firmly on the frenulum with two fingers until that feeling dissipates (the frenulum is a Y shaped connecting membrane on the underside of the penis connecting the head and the shaft). You can then continue to have sex or masturbate until the feeling of ejaculatory inevitability resurfaces, at which time you can continue practising the ‘squeeze technique’ and continue the cycle. This can be done alone or with a partner.

So gentleman….. when you hear the saying “Practise Makes Perfect”, remind yourself that it applies to many things. Good luck!

Was that written by a man or a woman? Most would guess a man, given the reference to what seems like an ejaculation. This however was written by a woman, in reference to her intense female ejaculations.

One might think that ejaculation would be a purely male prerogative, but in fact about 40% of women also experience a discharge of fluid at sexual climax.

As with male ejaculation, the fluid is discharged from the urethra. However in females, there seems to be two kinds of ejaculate! One kind involves a discharge of only a small amount of an opalescent fluid (only a few drops to a teaspoon), and it’s usually done so without great force. In the other kind of ejaculation, a large quantity of clear fluid is discharged (can be 100ml or more), and sometimes with sufficient force to project the fluid many feet away from the woman’s body. Some women have reported experiencing both kinds of ejaculation at different times, while laboratory studies suggest that they can also occur simultaneously in the same woman!

And just when we thought females couldn’t get any more complicated. Whether it’s orgasms or ejaculations…. if men can do it once, we’re doing it twice!

(What is this fluid you ask? Well if you really want to know I’ll explain, but sometimes ignorance is bliss. In males, less than 1% of ejaculate is actually sperm, the rest is predominately made up of citric acid, enzymes, fibrinogen and fructose. In women the low volume ejaculate comes from the paraurethral gland (homologous to the male prostate) and is mostly prostatic acid phosphatase. The high volume ejaculate is urine from the bladder, however it is very diluted suggesting that the kidneys produced diluted urine during sexual arousal)

I met with Annie today and it was nothing less than awe-inspiring. She spoke about everything from her one woman shows, to her battle with breast cancer. She shared details of her production of ‘Public Cervix Announcement’, which involved using a speculum to show thousands of people her cervix… live…. on stage.

Other shows involved her masturbating to orgasm in front of the audience, lying naked on stage while being covered in dirt, and recreating her history of bad fellatio experiences with multiple dildos. Annie doesn’t just ‘perform’ however; she lives the life she presents. Not too long ago she was faced with breast cancer. Contrary to what you may think, this didn’t stop Annie in her sexual path. Instead she faced the cancer with such humour and vitality that I was inspired. With her partner, Elizabeth Stephens, Annie made the first cancer erotica that was photographed and displayed for many to see. During the ‘sexual session’ the pair shaved off all of their hair together, while becoming even more sexually connected.

I sat and listened to Annie and her partner attentively, as the stories progressively got crazier and the pictures juicier. I wasn’t just blown away by Annie’s history however; I was blown away by her current work. Annie and Elizabeth are on a quest to help save the earth from pollution and destruction, and have chosen to come at the issue from an unusual position.

Their belief? To look at the earth as your Lover, not your Mother. To become Ecosexual in your love for the earth, by honouring and cherishing it until death brings you closer together. I was captivated by this idea and vowed to become ecosexual as well… afterall you know what they say don’t you?
Recyclers do it twice, and twice as well!

Annie’s message was clear and inspiring, so I thought I would do my part in spreading the news. Please recycle your old sex toys (www.sextoyrecycling.com) and support causes such as ‘Fuck for the Forest’ (www.fuckforforest.com). If you’d like to know more about Annie Sprinkle you can check out her website.

Wanna Bite?

Recently I was sent the book Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen Based Recipes. The author proclaims that “Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!”

The ‘Gourmand World Cookbook Award’ nominated book does present a plethora of recipes and tips for cooking with semen. However, my question isn’t so much why someone would want to cook with semen (as I personally feel that drinking milk that was squeezed from the teat of another animal isn’t that much better), but rather how consistent is semen as an ingredient? As sexual scientists we’ve studied the precarious nature of semen and its changing consistency between people and within each person throughout their lifespan. Some semen is quite acidic (such as the ones that leave yellow stains on a man’s ‘hanky’ socks/towels from his ejaculate) some semen sweet. Sweet is of course a relative term, as semen usually doesn’t taste like lollypops. But my point is, if a man is living on fast food and beer as opposed to fresh fruit and veggies, his semen is going to present with vastly different flavour properties. So, can we really trust the ingredient to taste as the chef intended it to? Or will each of these recipes be dependent on the donors’ lifestyle?

A quick sidebar before you try the Natural Harvest recipes, I should point out that the sous-chef (for lack of a better term) must not have a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI), a contagious blood borne disease, acute long term exposure to poisons, heavy metals, radiation or intravenous injections. The receiver must also be careful that they are not allergic to the semen, have cancer tumours that could contact concentrated ejaculate, or are sensitive to testosterone. However, if you and your partner are both free of the above constraints and want to try some tasty new recipes, please feel free! I would love to hear your reaction to the dish you made, and whether or not you’d recommend it to others…. as I think I might sit this one out.

A couple came in to see me because they were both troubled by the fact that the husband was having erectile issues. I began questioning the man about his masturbation techniques however I could see he was uncomfortable describing his solo work in detail, so…. I decided to grab a dildo and use it to demonstrate what I meant.

The dildo – which had a suction pad on the bottom of it so it would stick out like an erection when placed against a wall – makes demonstrations much easier; except on this particular day of course. I began slamming the dildo against the wall as hard as I could, trying to get it to stick, but alas, it still wasn’t working.

I felt like an idiot.

I decided to give up on my attempts to ‘stick-the-dick’ to the wall, and instead try my hand at sticking it to the table. This paid off….. for a moment. As I was demonstrating I suddenly felt the dildo come loose and before I knew it, it had flown off the table and across the room nearly hitting the poor wife in the face! She literally had to pull a Matrix move and duck to miss it.

I was mortified.

I tried to explain that I don’t normally throw dildos at clients heads…. during the first session at least…. but I could see in their eyes they weren’t impressed.
That was my first paid client. Impressive, eh?

Giving out sex advice on Robson Street, Vancouver.

Sometimes we dive into a new relationship and the sexual chemisty just isn’t there. We are bumping teeth, squishing tender body parts and creating a horizontal tango that looks more like the chicken dance then a sensual flow. Sometimes this leads one – or both partners – to question their new relationship pick and start looking elsewhere, especially if one of them has become confinced that the problem lies within the other inexperienced lover, instead of between the two of them.

My advice? We often waste a lot of time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect lover. Yes, teaching a new and relatively inexperienced partner can be difficult, however there are a couple subtle but very effective techniques to help your partner become better in bed.

The first tip is often referred to as ‘the sandwich technique’ (I know your mind is drifting off to threesome land but snap back for a second…. its not that kind of sandwich). Lets say your new partner is a gentleman that doesn’t vary his speed very often during sex, so he is constantly doing the ‘jack-rabbit’. To help teach him what you’d really like, you simply employ this sandwich method. This means you begin with something positive (e.g, I want to tell you that you feel amazing inside of me) then say something that needs ‘fixing’ while trying not to use the word ‘but’ (So, you know what I would really love? For you to go nice and slow sometimes so I can really feel every inch of you) and then end with something positive (Because you are so incredible I just want to soak up every bit of you). This is called a sandwich because you put something negative (or needs fixing) inside two positive things.

Tip number two is all about body language. We learn by watching…. monkey see monkey do. If you want a gentle touch, be gentle with your partner. If you want your woman to pull your hair and then sink her teeth into you, do so to her. Even the slowest learner will catch on eventually and start taking notes from your technique.

One of the most common issues faced in the bedroom when dealing with inexperienced male partners, is premature ejaculation (and I use that term loosly). There are a number of ways that you can counter this. One of the most useful things that he can do to deal with this issue is to masturbate as often as possible because if he hasn’t ejaculated recently, then the chances of him holding out and not ejaculating quickly when he gets into bed with you, will decrease dramatically.

Now I know what you’re thinking, what about those of us who would rather not talk about it openly (as many women are too embarrassed to say, “Can you masturbate before you come over and hang out?”) In this case, a simple ‘warm-up round’ is crucial…. this gets the first ejaculation over quickly. If you are becoming intimate with a man, sometimes helping him ejaculate rapidly the first time around, can lead to a prolonged second round. And while he is waiting for his second erection, it’s your turn to enjoy some foreplay. Also, using a lubricant or condom that has a numbing quality (which is available in drugstores everywhere) can do wonders for prolonged play time. For more info on helping a man last longer in bed refer to my blog post on Feb 23rd/2010 entitled “How Can A Man Last Longer In Bed?).

I wish you luck and leave you with this…. “It is not sex that gives you pleasure, but the lover” ~Marge Piercy