May Is National Masturbation Month

The saying “Masturbation is like procrastination, it seems like a good idea at the time but in the end you’re really only fucking yourself”, has in my generation, been somewhat accepted as truth. Masturbation’s bad reputation has been around since before Victorian times and has earned much of its sinful stamp from the Roman Catholic Church. Others that have managed to push past the sinful connotations however, are often times still held up on the belief that it is an activity practiced only by people who cannot get access to “real” sex (hence the derogatory term “jerk” whose meaning has been influenced by the phrase “jerking off” slang for male masturbation, and its British equivalent “wanker” which translates loosely into “loser”).

In today’s scientifically based society one would hope that these negative views on masturbation would fade, given the fact that we have proven that masturbation leading to orgasm has numerous health benefits (sleep aid, eases depression, stress reliever, makes you look younger, helps alleviate sinus pressure, elevates mood, pain reliever etc and the list goes on and on).

But what is the reality of masturbation today?

Well it turns out that the frequency with which people masturbate is strongly influenced by their sex, age, ethnicity, religion, educational level, marital status and sexual orientation. So if science holds true, I could theoretically predict who often YOU masturbated by asking you a few simple questions.

Turns out, if you are a 25-35 year old white (or Hispanic) male, whose never been married, has a master’s degree or higher and categorizes themselves as “other” in the religious realm; then you’ve spent a lot of time playing sexual solitaire. I’m sure it’s no surprise that men on average report masturbating more often than women, but it may be a surprise to learn that among women, homosexual behaviour or identity is associated with a high frequency of masturbation, surpassing some males of heterosexual standing – depending on the factors listed above.

Despite “normative” factors, what does evolutionary psychologists says about “couch hockey for one” – a behaviour that seems disadvantageous for the point of view of reproductive success?

Well it’s possible that male masturbation is an adaptive behaviour because it gets rid of “aged” sperm that have been stored for some time and are no longer of optimal quality for fertilization. And masturbation in both sexes may simply be a by-product of selection for other behavioural traits that increase our reproductive success, like a high sex drive.

So with May being National Masturbation month, I suggest we celebrate! Lets drop our negative labels and do what biology has equipped us to do! After all, if God didn’t want you to masturbate he would have made your arms shorter.

The “O” Face

Video of Beautiful Agony: The O Face
The “O” Face – made popular by the film Office Space – is the facial expression one makes just as they are reaching orgasm. For as long as I can remember this face has been joked about in TV and media but has never actually made a move into the mainstream with any real erotic validity. Until now…

The website ‘Beautiful Agony’ has pushed the boundaries of the “O” Face by presenting viewers with just that; the raw face of an orgasm, nothing more nothing less. Not cluttered by words or descriptions, the site takes us on a journey of pleasure from one face to another. There are no actors, no editing and no faking. Just real faces of those brave enough to share their “O” Face with the world.

My view of the site? Brilliant.

It’s about time we sexualized more than fake breasts, large penises and Debbie’s travels through Dallas. In my opinion the site is also doing a great service to the pro-masturbation campaign of our time. Now although “masturbation” is not one of the seven forbidden words that have been banned from our airwaves by the Federal Communications Commission (those words in case you were wondering are piss, fuck, shit, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits) it might as well be considering the rarity with which it is spoken or seen of within our society.

By spreading the good word about sites like ‘Beautiful Agony’ and ‘IFeelMyself’, we are helping to dispel the negative connotations surrounding masturbation and creating a sex-positive space with which our youth can live. So please, help spread the “O” Face love, and show our generation that erotica can be simplistic, artistic and realistic.

How Can a Man Last Longer in Bed?

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How long do you spend in the bedroom with your partner ‘warming up’, and how much time do you spend on the finishing act? Do you think you clock above average when it comes to time doing the… as Quagmire would say “Gigidy gigidy gigidy oohh yeah”

The average amount of time spent on sex varies greatly depending on many factors. These factors range from what country you live in to whether or not foreplay is included in the definition of sex. It is therefore difficult to find credible sources that agree on this average statistic (some quote the time to be 3-10 minutes, while others testify that it’s 15 minutes to an hour). However finding consensus on foreplay time is much easier. The statistics agree that the average time spent on foreplay in North America is 19.7 minutes, with the UK topping the list with an average of 22.5 minutes.

So why spend so much time on foreplay? Well, for women especially, longer foreplay generally leads to better sex. Our brains are our largest sex organ, so taking the time to warm up our brains and our bodies can create a far more pleasurable experience. Foreplay not only increases lubrication and boosts the chances of a woman reaching orgasm, but it also gives biology (our hormones) time to catch up with our activity.

So how can you extend foreplay and still last longer in bed? Men, follow along closely, as these tips are for you.

Its important for all men to keep up with their Kegel exercises. To do your Kegels, simply squeeze the muscles you would use to stop the flow of urine, and then release. Twenty-five sets of these per day is ideal. Also regular masturbation is important because if a man hasn’t ejaculated recently, his chances of staying erect without ejaculation, drastically decreases.

You can also practice the ‘squeeze technique’ – while masturbating or during intercourse – this involves becoming stimulated up until the point of ejaculatory inevitability (point of no return) and then pressing firmly on the frenulum with two fingers until that feeling dissipates (the frenulum is a Y shaped connecting membrane on the underside of the penis connecting the head and the shaft). You can then continue to have sex or masturbate until the feeling of ejaculatory inevitability resurfaces, at which time you can continue practising the ‘squeeze technique’ and continue the cycle. This can be done alone or with a partner.

So gentleman….. when you hear the saying “Practise Makes Perfect”, remind yourself that it applies to many things. Good luck!

My Meeting with the Legendary Porn Star Annie Sprinkle

Only one woman could combine live masturbation shows, cancer erotica and bronze casted used underwear into the same day… that lady? The legendary Porn Star, Annie Sprinkle.

I met with Annie today and it was nothing less than awe-inspiring. She spoke about everything from her one woman shows, to her battle with breast cancer. She shared details of her production of ‘Public Cervix Announcement’, which involved using a speculum to show thousands of people her cervix, live, on stage. Other shows involved her masturbating to orgasm in front of the audience, lying naked on stage while being covered in dirt, and recreating her history of bad fellatio experiences with multiple dildos. Annie doesn’t just ‘perform’ however; she lives the life she presents. Not too long ago she was faced with breast cancer. Contrary to what you might think, this didn’t stop Annie in her sexual path. Instead she faced the cancer with such humour and vitality that I was inspired. With her partner, Elizabeth Stephens, Annie made the first cancer erotica that was photographed and displayed for many to see. During the ‘sexual session’ the pair shaved off all of their hair together, while becoming even more sexually connected.

I sat and listened to Annie and her partner attentively, as the stories progressively got crazier and the pictures juicier. I wasn’t just blown away by Annie’s history however; I was blown away by her current work. Annie and Elizabeth are on a quest to help save the earth from pollution and destruction, and have chosen to come at the issue from an unusual position. Their belief? To look at the earth as your Lover, not your Mother. To become Ecosexual in your love for the earth, by honouring and cherishing it until death brings you closer together. I was captivated by this idea and vowed to become ecosexual as well. Perhaps I might even make a few t-shirts to proclaim my new sexual identity (“Recyclers Do It Twice”).

Annie’s message was clear and inspiring, so I thought I would do my part in spreading the news. Please recycle your old sex toys (www.sextoyrecycling.com) and support causes such as ‘Fuck for the Forest’ (www.fuckforforest.com). If you’d like to know more about Annie Sprinkle you can check out her website.

My Most Mortifying Experience in Practice (Otherwise Known as the Day I Threw a Dildo at a Client)

My first day in clinical practice was pretty awful.

A couple came in to see me because the husband was having erectile issues. I was asking him how he masturbated and whether, when he did, he went all the way over the top of his penis or not. He clearly had no idea what I was talking about, so I decided to demonstrate on a dildo.

I took the dildo – which had a suction pad on the bottom of it – out of the bottom drawer of my desk. Because of this suction you are able to stick it against a wall like an erection (this of course makes demonstrations much easier). So…. I was slamming this dildo against the wall as hard as I could over and over but it still wasn’t sticking.

I felt like an idiot.

So I decided to put it down on the table, and see if it would stick to that instead. There I was demonstrating the technique when suddenly I pull the dildo off of the table and it flies across the room almost hitting the woman in the face. She literally had to duck. It just missed her, whizzing past her head and hitting the wall on the other side of the room.

I was mortified. I told her, “I don’t know what to tell you, I don’t normally throw dildos at my client’s heads. At least not in the first session.” That was my very first paid client. Impressive, eh?

Teaching an Inexperienced Lover

A couple of days ago, I had someone ask me a question about ways to teach a new and relatively inexperienced lover. This can be a difficult thing, because the last thing you want to do is make someone think that they are crap in bed and knock their confidence. There are some subtle but very effective ways of helping a guy to become a better lay, and increasing the amount of pleasure that you both get from your erotic rendezvous.

A great way to help teach a new lover is to do the sandwich technique. For example, lets say your new lover is a man that doesn’t know how to change up speeds during sex, so he is constantly doing the ‘jack-rabbit’. To help teach him you employ this sandwich method:

This means, start with something positive (e.g, I want to tell you that you feel amazing inside of me) then say something that needs ‘fixing’ while trying not to use the word ‘but’ (So, you know what I would really love? For you to go nice and slow sometimes so I can really feel every inch of you) and then end with something positive (Because you are so incredible I just want to soak up every bit of you). This is called a sandwich because you put something negative (or needs fixing) inside two positive things.

Also, body language works wonders. We learn by watching…. monkey see monkey do. If you want gentle touch, be gentle with your partner. If you want to be licked up and down and then nibbled on, do so to your partner. Even the slowest learner will catch on eventually and start taking notes from your technique.

One of the common issues that can come up with any inexperienced lover is that they can come off too quickly because they are so damned excited to be doing “it”. There are a number of ways that you can deal with this either by talking to him about it, or if the idea mortifies you there are actions that you can take without addressing the issue at all verbally.

Instruction for the willing student (and teacher)

The most useful thing that he can do to deal with coming off too quickly is to masturbate as often as possible. For real. The more he can masturbate the better, because if he hasn’t ejaculated recently, and I mean within the last six hours or so, the chances of him holding on and not ejaculating quickly when he gets in to bed with you will decrease dramatically. So ideally, if you are going out for a date he needs to tug one off before he gets there.

Bearing this in mind, if he asks for tips, this is the first thing you should tell him, to do the five-knuckle-shuffle as often as possible.

If he is willing to take instruction, there is also a really good classic technique that is very effective in prolonging his orgasm: The Squeeze Technique. Every time he gets close to orgasm, he pulls his penis out and either you or he squeezes the head of his penis quite firmly. (The thumb should be placed on the frenulum, which is located just under his glans – the head of his penis.) Squeezing there for 20 to 30 seconds will stop him from wanting to ejaculate, so that you can prolong sex. you can do this as many times as you like throughout intercourse, and it is a great long term training technique.

(Again, when you are introducing a new way of doing something, use the sandwich technique: “Do you think that we can try this technique that I have heard about, or that we can push on here and see if it will help?” And then again end with something positive, “Oh baby, you make me feel so hot,” etc etc.)

Ideas for those who would rather not talk about it

A lot of girls might be too embarrassed to say, “Can you masturbate before you come and hang out?” One easy method to get them to last longer is to kind of have a warm-up round of sex where you get the first ejaculation over quickly. If you are making out with the guy, give him a hand job until he ejaculates. Don’t try to prolong it, just make it fast and dirty so he comes off, so it is quite literally over in two minutes. Then it is time to start the foreplay for you, giving him a chance to go down on you or whatever to get you off before he is hard again (which is going to be another 20 or 30 minutes, depending on his age).

That way, when you do get to actually having sex, he is automatically going to last longer and you are good and warmed up before he gets inside of you.  You didn’t even have to say anything, you don’t even need to broach the subject.

Another thing that you could do is go out and buy either a lubricant or condoms that have a numbing quality (available in drugstores everywhere). Then just say to say to him, “I just got this new lube and it’s great, you wanna try it with me?” That way, he is automatically number without having to say anything and he’s going to last longer because he can’t feel as much – but I promise he’ll have just as much fun.

The great thing about taking on an inexperienced lover is that they are a blank slate, bringing few bad habits or expectations into bed with them.